You have been dating in London but now things are more serious. Cupid has flown by and shot his arrow in your direction and you are in a relationship. In today’s society, we often experience a number of relationships before we find the right one and we are suckers for dwelling on past experiences.
As simple as it may be, communication is often a big cause of any problems in a relationship. We all know the theory about Men being from Mars and Women are from Venus, but we are, believe it or not both human beings and in a relationship, communication should be made easy.
But for one reason or another, disagreements can occur in a relationship from something trivial to a full blown argument that leaves us slamming doors and screaming at the top of our lungs.
Experts say arguing is healthy in a relationship and it is to some extent if you are both being mature and diplomatic in solving any problems. However, seeing who can shout the loudest or be the most stubborn is not the right way to go, it will just lead to more arguing and a unhealthy relationship.
Or, lack of honesty. Both genders like to keep some secrets and that can be a good thing, we don’t want to give our partner ALL our secret, but a relationship needs Honesty for it to work.
What do I mean? Well, don’t be afraid to express how you feel in a relationship. If you have a pet hate that your partner keeps doing then be honest and bring it up, but also be subtle. If you both agree to be honest with each other, you will be building trust and that is the glue of any healthy and successful relationship.
On the flip side, don’t be overly honest. Remember to also be supportive of your partner rather than critical. For example, instead of saying “I hate those chequered shirts you always wear, it’s so unattractive”, instead you can recommend clothes you would like/or think that suit them.
One of the big relationship problems is being stuck in a routine. Whether it’s the working life that dictates when you see each other, or you find yourselves staying in all the time on the sofa in front of the Television. It’s easily done, but can also be resolved.
The comfort zone in a relationship can cause its own problems down the line but once you are aware of it, you can pull you and your partner out by changing your routine.
Instead of staying in, why not take up a new hobby together or see friends? Perhaps you are spending too much time with your partner and you both need a day of the week where you hang out with your own sets of friends for an evening.
Similar to the above problem, once a relationship becomes comfortable the romance can disappear. Whether it’s the man no longer making an effort in seducing you (come on guys, the game shouldn’t be over) or the woman no longer making an effort in appearance (or visa-versa with both points).
Set one day of the week or month, depending how often you see each other to be a ‘Date Night’. It’s exclusively for the two of you and should be something new and exciting that you can enjoy together. Check theNew2London site for dating ideas in London if you’re stuck.
Remember, to be spontaneous. Just because you are in a LTR (Long-Term Relationship) should not mean that you should stop trying. Guys, send your girlfriend a text whilst she’s at work and tell her how beautiful you think she is. Girls, let your man know he is needed. Think outside the box, get the excitement back.
Depending on each other or in some cases one person in the relationship could be doting on the other too much. This can only cause problems, like the comfort zone in a relationship.
Whilst being in love can be a wonderful thing, don’t forget who you are. Are you spending too much time with each other? Can you only have fun or peace when you are with each other (or your partner?)
A healthy relationship as inter-dependence, where you are co-dependent on each other which create the love and trust of a relationship but you are both independent enough to do your own things without needing the other to hold your hand. Don’t live your life on the other side of an ampersand (&).
It’s important to have a great friendship with your partner. Couples who have spent twenty odd years together often say that the key to their long lasting relationship is that they are also best friends.
Whilst, we need best friends outside the relationship, which is also important, we need to be able to develop a strong friendship with our partner too and not let it just be a physical connection.
After all, we are all quite protective of our best friends. We wouldn’t dare to cheat them out of anything or harm them, and it should be the same in your relationship.
The definition of a compromise is a result of a settlement but how often do I see compromises being made in a relationship that are often a Win/Lose scenario.
If both you and your partner are quite strong willed then you may be too stubborn to reach a compromise easily and keep arguing until one of you gets your own way. It’s not healthy.
Or, in some relationships, one of you may be way too submissive that gives too much power to the other which will only lead to resentment building up and a lack of attraction.
Compromises should be fair for both involved. For example, your partner can watch the football if he takes you shopping. It’s a win/win scenario if both of you keep to your side of the bargain.
A problem to a relationship that can leave you feeling like you have no control is a threat. Maybe your girlfriend has started talking about a funny guy at her workplace or your boyfriend has a very attractive female mate that just makes you feel uneasy.
Often enough, these threats are completely harmless and usually caused by our own insecurities rather than someone trying to steal our partner. It can cause problems, especially with how we handle the situation.
It’s important to make friends, not enemies here. If you’re unsure about one of your partners friends, then befriend them. Find out more about them, they may even be nice once you get to know them. Plus, if you spark up a good friendship, they will think twice about making any potential moves on your partner.
9) Social Circles
Social circles or Friendship circles can often cause problems to a relationship. Like the problem of co-dependence mentioned earlier in the article, maybe you and your partners social circles are too one sided.
Is your partner friends with all your friends, but you’ve barely met any of theirs? The more involved you and your partner are together, the more your social circles will grow together.
But it would be healthy if you both have your own circle that’s just for YOU. Typically, the girl would have a ‘girls night out’ whilst the boy goes out with the guys. It’s ok to mix these circles occasionally but if you are always together in all your circles then it could cause problems, especially if you were to ever break-up.
10) End of the line
Another problem relationships face is probably the worst of all, the End. Whilst we all want to find our soul mateand fall in love or the fear of loneliness can be too hard to bear, we have trouble admitting that it’s over.
This can often lead to the relationship becoming stale and you start to resent each other. It often is the cause of cheating in the relationship too. Do the mature thing and openly talk about the relationship with your partner if you feel that things are not working out.
If you both have inter-dependence in the relationship, then this will come easy. However, if you are co-dependent then it will be more difficult. Acting on problems sooner rather than later will be better in the long term, for the both of you.