One of the most, if not the most famous self help book ever written. I believe if you read this book your life will never be the same again. Dale Carnegie created a masterpiece that has sold 15 million copies world wide. The biggest lesson; real, lasting success, comes from the ability to interact with people. If you are serious about becoming successful in life than this is book should be top of your list to read.
1) The most important points covered by the book
a) How to get out of a mental rut, have new thoughts, new vision, new ambition.
b) Enable you to make friends in London quickly and easily
c) Increase your popularity
d) Help you to convince people to your way of thinking
e) Increase your influence, prestige, and ability to get things done
f) Increase your earning potential
g) Help you avoid arguments, keep your relationships with friends
h) Make you a better speaker and have more entertaining conversations
i) Help you to create enthusiasm among your friends
2) Techniques to influence friends
Carnegie believes the key to success is a lot less about with your knowledge in a subject area relating to your job and a lot more about your ability to create enthusiasm in others, to lead and to express your ideas.
Secrets to influence new friends
a) Dont criticize, condemn, or complain about your friends.
b) Give honest appreciation of things your friends do for you
c) Inspire your friends to achieve greatness
3) Six ways to make people like you
The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. So first remember the name of your new friend you are talking it to and use during conversation.
Calling someone by their name is similar to paying them a compliment. But don’t get their name wrong or there will be a negative impact.
Remembering and using a friends name is a critical component of good leadership, which is critical if you are leading a group of friends.
Yet, most people dont remember names for the simple reason that they dont put in the effort to. We make excuses that we are too busy. We are introduced to a stranger and forget his name only a few minutes later.
Next time you meet a new friend, make a special effort to remember their name. Repeat their name in your head and try to associate it in your mind with their features or expressions. If it is an uncommon name, ask the new friend to repeat it or spell it for you.
Simply smiling at new friends will make you more socially likeable and help you to develop a deeper connection. You should smile constantly. Constantly! All day. Smile at anyone you come into contact with. Some people might you are crazy. But more often than not you will be met with a smile back, and you and your new friend will both feel happier than before. The power of a smile is amazing.
If you smile you manage, teach, and sell more effectively, and raise happier children. There’s more positive influence in a smile than a frown. It is also why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.
Life is about constantly striving to be better than you were yesterday and developing positive social skills is a smart thing to do. Let your new friend win an argument to avoid making your friend feel bad. And definitely do not criticise a new friend.
Too many people focus on themselves and not the person they are talking to. If you want others to really like you, focus on them. Its easy really. The more you practice, the more you realize that everyone is interesting in their own way. The secret is to keep asking questions, listen to the answers and seeing where you can share your experience or knowledge about the topic of conversation.
The only way we can make them happy by giving them what they want. What do most people want? Health, food money and relationships. There is one more hidden desire, the desire to be important. If you can make someone feel important that will build a very high level of rapport.
Secrets to make new friends like you
a) Become genuinely interested in other people
c) Remember your new friends name
d) Be a good listener. Encourage new friends to talk about themselves
e) Talk about your friends interests
f) Make your new friend feel important by giving them compliments
4) Twelve ways to convince friends of your way of thinking
To convince friends to do something you have to find out what motivates them. You need to see things from the perspective of others as well as your own.
Most of us are so concerned with what we are going to say next that we don’t fully listen when someone else is speaking. However most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker. In fact the art of a good conversation is your ability to listen with enthusiasm. Carnegie states: “If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.”
When you have a conversation with a new friend, pay attention to how much of the conversation is you talking vs. the other person talking. How much listening are you doing?
You should aim for: 75% you listening and 25% you talking
Don’t make the mistake of getting carried away when you tell stories. Think of some ways you can encourage the other person to do more of the sharing. Before asking a question, you can set the stage with a conversation regarding a topic of their interest. Give your new friend time to talk about their passion. If they’re excited to talk, build on that enthusiasm and positivity. As Roosevelt said “The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”
Average salespeople spend a career selling without seeing things from the customer’s angle, wondering why they are not successful. They fail because they completely ignore the customer’s needs.
Put aside your own thoughts and opinions and you will be able to convince a new friend that it is in their best interest to do whatever it is you want them to do.
To be effective in convincing a new friend of our ideas, it’s not enough to merely state the truth. If you want a new friends attention, you have to present your idea in a vivid, interesting and dramatic way.
Most people have a hidden desire to achieve. Along with that desire comes a sense of competition – everyone wants to be the best. When you are struggling to convince a new friend of going with one of your ideas, start the conversation with “I bet you cant…” then fill in the blank with the challenge for them. When nothing else works in winning a friend to your way of thinking, throw down a challenge.
One of the most powerful abilities you have is the ability to help a friend realise their potential. You can do this by praising their strengths. Its tempting to point out someones faults. Even when its difficult to find things to praise, try hard to find something.
Arguments are best avoided with new friends. It is impossible to win an argument. If you lose the argument, you lose; if you win the argument, you have made your friend feel inferior, hurt their pride, and made them resent you. You lose either way. Carnegie puts an interesting way to change the dynamic of an argument. “75% of the people you will ever meet are looking for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.” Be understanding of the other person’s frustrations and you will diffuse the argument and move forward.
Secrets to convince new friends of your way of thinking
a) The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
b) Show respect for the other persons opinions. Never say “You are wrong.”
c) If you are wrong, admit it quickly
d) Begin conversations in a friendly way
e) Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes
f) Let your friend do a great deal of the talking
g) Let your friend feel the idea is his or hers
h) Try honestly to see things from your new friends point of view
i) Be sympathetic with your new friends ideas and desires
j) Dramatize your ideas
k) Throw down a challenge
l) Appeal to their nobler motives