Friends

You work long hours. You are tired in the evenings. You spend the weekend sleeping and recovering. It seems like a lot of effort to get up off the sofa, go out and socialise. Lets be clear – you can never make new friends in London sat indoors on your own. You need to get motivated to go out and have fun!

Lets ask the question what is motivation? Motivation is the driving force which allows you to go after and achieve your goals in life. Motivation is the oil in your achievement engine. The more motivated you the easier it will be for you to achieve your goals. Now we know what motivation is, how do we go about getting motivated to make friends in London?

1) Remove all distractions

Whenever you are trying to achieve anything the more distractions you have the less likely you are to achieve what you want to do. If you want to make friends in London then you will need to make that your focus – at least in the short term and block out other distractions.

2) Remove negative influences

Some people are lucky and are surrounded by positive family and friends. If that is you – you are very lucky. The chances are that is not the case. Have you noticed how ‘positive’ people always seem to have more friends. That’s no coincidence. Positive people tend to be risk takers – its this lack of fear of failure that makes them succeed where negative people fail. Negative people fail not because they are negative but because they are less likely to take risks when meeting new people. So in summary positive people win: so be positive!

3) Create reminders of your goal of making friends

If your goal drifts out of your consciousness the chances are your motivation to achieve your goal will go too. A reminder could be just a simple list or a maybe motivational quote. A good time to evaluate your goals is either last thing at night or first thing in the morning when your mind is clear. You could list all of your friends today and then in a months time look at the list again and see how many friends you have added.

4) Self investment

Smart, successful and happy people are not born they are made. What do these people have that unhappy and unsuccessful people don’t have. Well the smart, happy and successful people in London are not afraid to invest in themselves. Crucially they will spend money on their education and on their social life. This in turn makes them more valuable to society and increases their contacts. Ultimately they will generate further wealth and further happiness. So never hold back from investing in yourself!

5) Attitude

A positive attitude is a source of motivation. This also ties in with belief – the more you believe in something the more positive you will be and the more likely you will be to go out there and make new friends in London. A negative attitude will de-motivate you and two things will happen. One you will fail to achieve your goals and two – nobody likes being around negative people which in your case is bad new for making friends. Always have a positive attitude – try it and see the difference it makes!

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out

That says it all really – In the modern sense, friends have become just as important as the family; they support you when times are hard and they celebrate with you when times are great. If you need something, your friends may be the first people you turn too – just like a family, but a family that you can choose. When you throw in the stresses and strains of the modern lifestyle, with those symptomatic of living in a fast-paced, and very often lonely, city like London, needing that support becomes increasingly important – especially if you are new to London or from elsewhere, and therefore, there’s no family to turn in times of need. On the other hand, you may already have made friends in London, but how do you know they are good – will they help you in your time of need? You certainly can’t have a blasé attitude about choosing your friends in London – they can affect you mood, your decisions and ultimately your quality of life. Choosing your friends is like choosing a partner, in many cases the relationship may be just as intimate and probably last a great deal longer.

Work out what you want and need in a friend

There are many different types of friend; the first thing you need to work out is what does friendship mean to you and what exactly it is you need in a friend, for example, do you need a friend who is a good listener, a friend who is strong and motivational, a friend is who only around occasionally or a friend who is constantly there, a friend who is sporty, artistic, a friend who shares the same music taste as you? – The list goes on; knowing what you need from your friends from the outset will save you time, hassle and tears.

You don’t have to agree on everything

They do say opposites attract – a little bit of disagreement between friends is healthy, for instance you could have differing tastes in music, film or indeed anything – the beauty is it forces you question your taste, opinions, valuesand makes you think differently, thus expanding your mind and opportunities. However, everyone has a limit; you need to work out what’s important for example, you could be religious and your potential new friend is an atheist – would this be a problem? If it is then you need to move on and find friendship elsewhere. It’s all about finding a level of agreement.

Do they really care?

The next thing you need to look for is compassion – do they or will they genuinely care for your compassion? It’s easy to tell – when you call or meet do they spend ages going on about themselves? When you talk, do they look bored or fidgety and are waiting until it their turn to talk? This is a good indicator as to whether they will ‘be there for you’ in the future. If this happens to you, do not discount this type of person, they could be great for occasional meetings but maybe not the person you’d necessarily turn to for support or comforting. Also, you should be totally at ease when you are around a friend, if you don’t feel right around someone the chances are they will not make a good close friend for you.

Avoid unhealthy friendships

As with any relationship, friends can be, and/or go ‘bad’; they can inhibit you from moving on from ‘a bad place’ or even from making good friends – your friends say a lot about you. If you realise a friendship is unhealthy the problem is ending it, which can prove as problematic as ending a romantic relationship, it’s much better to spot a potential ‘bad’ friend before you let them in. Firstly, consider the environment where you meet or how you meet potential friends; for instance, you could meet someone in a scuzzy bar or on a dating site – may be an indicator of the type of person you’ve just met is like deep down.

When you meet people look for the hints; how do they react around their other friends? Are they needy, obsessive, aggressive, or manipulative? Do you suspect them of being a borderline sociopath? If you are unsure either walk away or do not open up.

The ideal friend is:

A good listener

Compassionate

Loyal

Someone you can trust

Supportive

Is Honest

Is reliable

You also need to feel totally at ease around them and you need to see a future for the friendship. Of course, you may not get all this in one person – you need to find out which qualities are important to you and which you can forgo.

Different types of friends

Acquaintances

These are people who know, maybe from university, work or from one of your hobbies, with whom you sometimes socialise, outside of that environment, but you have not yet become real ‘friends’ per se. This type of friend is great to be around when you want a laugh but you can’t, necessarily, share any deep feelings with and you can’t always rely on them to be ready for you when you need them. That is not to say they won’t take it to the next level with you.

Internet friends

This type usually comprises acquaintances and/or people we meet online. Generally, we never end up meeting internet friends, so be careful not to invest too much time into a virtual relationship that may never become ‘actual’. Internet friends however are great for casual chats and playing internet games with. They are also great for flirting with and paying you a bit of attention when you need it.

Nevertheless, using the internet can be a fantastic way to screen potential new friends in London – you can work out shared values from viewing a profile, see comments left by other friends and comments to other fiends, allowing you to see how they are with their friends etc.

Friends of friends

Once you have made one friend in London they should introduce you to a whole new group of people – their friends can become your friends. You can ask your friend what they are like, instantly finding out if you have common ground and whether they would make a good friend for you – remember though, just because your friend gets on with them doesn’t always mean you will.

Best friends

“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” – Henry Ford

And they are the person who would drop anything for you and you for them; they are like a sibling to you, only one which you’ve chosen and without the baggage.

Lost in a strange city
Nowhere to turn
Far cry from the streets that
I came from
It can get lonely
When youre travelling hard
But you can even be lonely
Standing in your own back yard

Verse 1 from Van Morrison’s, The meaning of Loneliness.

Does this sound familiar to you?

So you’ve just moved to the hectic hubbub that is London, the ‘Big Smoke’ – the UK’s capital and Europe sixth largest city. Welcome to a city of well over 7 million inhabitants; (9 million if you also count the commuters from the peripheries) jostling and angrily charged, shooting daggers at each other during the rush hour tube dash or being bad tempered, anti-social and aggravated charging down Oxford Street. This is the London you notice when you first arrive. And this is the London which remains permanently for a third of its population; it’s hardly surprising that many Londoners feel lonely and isolated, especially if hailing from elsewhere.  According to the BBC, Londoners are the loneliest in the UK with a massive 33% of the inhabitants feeling cut off from the rest of the city and feeling they have no one there for them, feeling cut off from the rest of the city.

And it really doesn’t have to be like that; Londoners are not intrinsically nasty or aggressive; they just want to get from A to B, as if teleportation has been invented, and they want to get there yesterday! If you get the chance to break down the barriers you’ll find most to be just the same as you.

Why is London a lonely city?

There are a large number of separate factors which contribute to make London a lonely city, or at least difficult to meet new friends, here are but a few:

A city on the move, constantly…

When you think about it, if you are not a naturalised Londoner you’ll most probably only know a very small amount of people, if any. The chances are, the only the people you’ll meet are work colleagues or people who go to your university. Or maybe just the odd few you’ll never actually meet from a plethora of online sites you no longer visit. And, if you’re lucky, perhaps you may have a few existing friends, or even family members, to help you build a base of brand new base of friends. Chances are you most probably don’t have any major secure ties here.

According to Rob Hof, Bloomsberg Business week, “In London, we find many Meetup groups exist, but people hardly ever show up to a real meetup.” This is about to change, when you make friends through new2london.com!

London has a fast moving transient population; what happens if you meet friends who decide to leave to London?  Then you may meet somebody else who also decides to move –  causing you feelings of frustration and  loneliness, especially when you feel you have invested a great deal of time and emotion into a friendship and they just up and leave, leaving you alone in big city.  In London people come and go constantly, it’s the nature of the city.

And, don’t expect to be able to walk into a pub or bar and meet new friends, like you can in smaller cities or towns – that just doesn’t happen in London really. People who frequent a certain pub at one day may not ever go to that pub again and the bar staff will not be as accommodating as you’d expect; you have to go a long way to find a ‘local’ pub in London.

Single occupancy dwellings

According to National Statistics, 2008, 41% of social renters and 30% of private renters in the UK are living on their own. Furthermore, one person households are projected to increase by 163,000 per year – that’s 2/3 of the yearly increase on all UK households. In London, the number of people living by themselves is much higher; for example, one of the cities more affluent boroughs,  Kensington and Chelsea is also, concordantly,  the UK’s loneliest, in this respect, with a huge 48.3%. And, what’s more, the number is going to increase; in the next 20 years 4 out of 10 homes in the UK will be single residencies. And going by this evidence, we can expect London to get much lonelier.

Disconected London

If indeed, you are lucky to have real friends or family members in London, take note of where they live for example, if you know people living in Harrow but you live in Hackney don’t expect to see them much; that journey takes over an hour and if you take into account that some tube lines are closed down at weekends, making the journey even longer, you’ll only get to see them on the occasional weekend. What are you going to do for the rest of the time?

According to the late spiritual visionary, Mother Teresa; “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

Regardless of wealth, many new 2 Londoners stay in their apartments playing their X-boxes without any meaningful interaction, beyond that of work colleagues. Does this sound similar? For most, I’m sure it does – London isn’t the most sociable place in the world, we have muggings and thefts, just like any other city, but mix in a large spoonful of needing to get somewhere fast, a drop of people only in London for the money and you’ve got yourself a very lonely city. And it’s not going to get any better. You may be lucky to have come to London for university and so know loads of people. But what happens when everyone starts leaving to go abroad or to other cities for work?

According to Google trends London is the world’s 6^th loneliest city – based on number of users searching for the term ‘lonely’, so as you can see it’s a big problem but what is loneliness and why is it potentially dangerous?

According to Mental Health Foundation;

“Major changes, such as moving home or country can trigger loneliness. Many people feel lonely because they feel isolated and cut off.

Loneliness is actually a common experience. In many cases, loneliness passes. But it can last for a long time and in this situation, it is not unusual to feel trapped or unsure of what to do to connect with people again. People who are very lonely may find meeting others difficult and daunting.

People who experience chronic loneliness include those with mental health problems. Living with a mental illness such as depression, anxiety or bi-polar can result in a person withdrawing from social situations and relationships.”

You may think, ‘never mind’ or ‘it’ll be ok, I’ll probably meet some new friends soon’ but you’ll soon find out that feeling a little bit secluded and isolated will lead to loneliness which can lead to depression and even suicide; according to London Health Observatory, in the period from 2002-4, “Inner London had a significantly higher rate that the England average, due to significantly higher rates in Camden and Islington.”

If you start getting feelings of loneliness, you need to get out and get some friends – this is hard, you may not have the time or maybe you prefer to use the internet or you may just be new to London and not nowhere to begin finding new friends, regardless of your situation, we know the question you want the answer to the question, what is the easiest, most effective and most rewarding way to meet likeminded people? New2london.net is the only worthwhile internet meet up service.

Having a great social life is essential to your happiness in London. You need to start making friends quickly. Some people new to London spend years trying to build their social circle and never succeed. They give up and head home. A tragic shame but a common story. Dont make your time in the worlds greatest city miserable! We present the essential tips to rapidly increasing your social circle in London.

1) Getting Started: Discover your London

Using your first couple of weeks in the city to explore and develop new interests and hobbies will put you in a good position to meet new friends in London. With a chance to find your feet first, you will already have your own life here before making new friends. Without that time to get settled, there is a risk that you might feel like your friendships have to work out in order for you to be happy here. This could make new friendships very pressured and ultimately will do more harm than good.
London is an exciting city and it is important to give yourself time to get used to the pace of life here. Whether you have come from a rural village or another city, you will need time to adjust. There is so much to see, hear and experience in the city, most people shut off a portion of their senses to avoid sensory overload. However, it is important to reconnect with your experiences and feelings at a time when you are not at risk of being overwhelmed. Spending time by yourself can be useful for this.
Striking the right balance between private time and social time will also allow you to discover the many different parts of the city and its cultural offerings at your own pace. Going out with a group of friends often involves negotiation around who wants to do what and where. If you take time out to explore the city on your own occasionally, you can visit the museums and galleries you want to visit and see the sights you want to see without worrying about anyone else.
It is easy to feel lonely in a big city like London but spending time on your own once in a while to take stock of all the changes you have gone through and work out what you want to do next can be a helpful and positive experience.

2) How to recognise loneliness

Even with a population over 7 million, London can seem such a lonely place to those who are new to the city. You can even have a horde of colleagues and other acquaintances around you and still feel like you have no one. Loneliness can take over and can become a huge problem affecting many aspects of your life and can cause, or can be a symptom of, depression and anxiety problems. Loneliness affects all of us at one point in life, you are not going through this alone; read my advice below to help you understand and overcome loneliness.

The difference between being alone and being lonely in London

Being alone means there is no one with you right at that moment whereas, being lonely is feeling there is no one there for you or to share life and thoughts with you. As humans we need to be part of communities, relying on each other for a variety of reasons is normal behaviour. Failure to act upon our natural instinct for meaningful interaction can cause loneliness, which is defined as; a feeling, usually sad and sometimes devastating, that one needs more companionship than one is currently getting.

The 5 types of loneliness

Theres more than one type of loneliness you might suffer from in London.

Interpersonal loneliness

This is when you miss a loved one and can become afraid of rejection. It will heal in time and is very common when a relationship comes to an end.

Social loneliness

The individual feels cut off from a group that he or she feels is important. This basically means you feel you have been unjustly cut off by a group. If this is the case, firstly speak to one of the people in the group whom you trust. If they truly are your friends, they will make an effort. If not, you must expand your potential to meet new people in London. Joining interest groups or sports teams will increase your chances of forming new friendships.

Culture Shock

Culture shock happens when you move to a whole new culture. This normally affects people new to London. Try to seek out individuals from your original culture, or indeed anyone else who is new to London, to help you adjust to London life.

Cosmic Loneliness

Everybody feels cosmic loneliness sometimes. It is also known as existential loneliness the sense that it is not possible to achieve perfect, complete intimacy with another person. Or simply, this is when you have nobody to open up to.

Psychological loneliness

This can be due to past experience – loss of a loved one, for instance or due to your psychological make up.

Recognise the problem

As with a lot of personal problems, the first thing you need to do to overcome loneliness is to admit it is a problem. Denying that loneliness affects you may seem like a temporary solution but will only cause more problems along the line and denial will delay the only solution to the problem; meaningful relationships with other people.

What causes loneliness?

You may be surrounded by many people, flatmates, work colleagues etc… however, these relationships may be superficial, you do not choose to be with them; this lack of intimacy can cause you to have problems confiding your inner feelings. If you are missing meaningful relationships, and the reassurance they give in your life, this can lead to loneliness and, more seriously, can be a sign of depression. Try opening up to your acquaintances, it may help you overcome lonely thoughts and help you get closer to people. If you find this hard, you may be really shy, which could be due to anxiety -there are groups which will help you overcome this. Above all you need to take risks opening up to those around you if you feel they are going to be receptive. Being new in London and in need of friends, you will need to take the first step in turning your acquaintances into friendships or otherwise, looking elsewhere for friends. Avoid getting hurt by assessing the people around you; are they genuine, would I be able to take this relationship further? Friendships generally dont happen overnight, persevere, it will be worth it.

3) How to beat loneliness

Keep active

If you spend all of your free time at home alone, this will only lead to negative thoughts, unhappiness and inevitably, loneliness. You should keep active: play sports – this will keep your mind active, your body fit and you will also be surrounding yourself with people, volunteers – this will make you feel good about yourself and help you meet people. Alternatively, join an interest group. If your work keeps you away from direct contact of people try to spend your evenings and weekends socialising and going to public events. Try to do things you would normally do alone with others; If you spend a lot of your spare time studying, ask someone in your class to join you or if you like to swim or go to the gym, find a partner or group to work out with.

Stay positive. You may find your new best friend in the first person you approach but this is unlikely to be the case. If youve been trying to meet people but havent succeeded yet, dont give up and dont let it get you down.
Just like any big city, London can be a lonely place. You are surrounded by people every day yet dont know any of them; it can be overwhelming.
Here are a few tips for staying positive when times are tough:

There are things you cant control

Sometimes, friendships just dont work out. It does not matter how you could have played the situation differently, quite often there will be circumstances beyond your control at work. Dont take it personally if you have not managed to find a group of friends yet – theres always tomorrow.

Relax

If you are feeling a bit down, try and do something relaxing that will take your mind off your thoughts and help you get things back into perspective. Even if work is really hectic, find the time to enjoy life; go to the gym and work out, take a walk, read, do whatever you need to keep you happy.

Analyse your approach

If budding friendships have repeatedly fizzled out, take a step back and look at how you handled each situation. Being self-critical wont be helpful but any self-knowledge you gain from the experience will help you react differently in the future. Try and work out whether you have been approaching the wrong people or whether it is something to do with your body language, conversation skills or confidence.

Keep looking for new opportunities

Just because the last opportunity did not work out, dont let that put you off trying again. Remember that opportunities for meeting new people are everywhere and the next one could be right around the corner.

4) What kind of friends in London are you looking for?

The kind of friendship you are looking for will depend on a number of factors. Perhaps you are happy with the circle of friends you have from home, so are really only looking to find people to hang out with once a week or so. Alternatively, you may be looking for something a little more substantial. Deciding what kind of relationships you would like to have in advance will help you achieve those friendships sooner; do you want to meet people who are similar to old friends in your home country or city or do you want to mix with personalities that are a bit different?
Making certain decisions, discovering your preferences and learning about your personality before you startmeeting new people in London will make the whole process easier. If you are feeling lonely then taking some alone time to figure out your goals and desires might seem like the last thing you want to do, however it could really aid any new friendships as it will help you find out what your values, likes and dislikes are, and you will also feel more clear about what you want from the friendship.
Perhaps you just want a few acquaintances to go and see a movie at the weekends or maybe you are looking for a tight-knit group of closer friendships; whatever kind of relationships you feel you need, the most important thing is finding the right kind of people with whom to have those relationships.  Looking for friends is a bit like flat-hunting: it might be tempting to take the first one you see but if you are not sure about it then it is probably best to wait until the right one comes along. After all, even if you are just going clubbing every now and again, the chances are that you are not going to have a great time if you dont really like the people you are going out with.

Future goals

Knowing what it is you are looking for, what you enjoy and what you want to get out of your time in London will help you develop self-confidence and trust your judgement and feelings. Living in London is a great opportunity and it is important to make the most of it. Your choices here could greatly influence your career, lifestyle and future. While your goals are always changeable, setting some personal parameters before meeting new people will enable you to begin your new friendships with a clear mind and an idea of what lies ahead.

5) How to spot personality types

Although everyone is different, there is a widely accepted theory that there are 16 potential personality types that could be used to categorise a person. The criteria for these include attitude, thought process and lifestyle. The 16 personality types are a result of four sets of preferences. Although some types are very similar, your particular personality type will affect your professional life, your friendships and your lifestyle. For this reason, many people find it useful to work out which type describes their characteristics best. The most popular personality test that uses this template is called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator; questionnaires can be found online.

Extroversion vs Introversion

The main difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts get their energy from reflecting then acting, while extroverts get their energy from acting first then reflecting later. Think about this; which one would you say you are and, thinking back to other people youve known, which type do you prefer?

Sensing vs Intuition

Both these terms describe the way you take in information. People who prefer sensing are more likely to trust evidence and fact. Those who favour intuitive judgement on the other hand, are more likely to use abstract ideas or theories for information. These people are likely to say “I had a hunch”, whereas sensing types will usually dismiss hunches in favour of something more tangible and real.

Thinking vs Feeling

While sensing and intuition covers how information is absorbed, the difference between thinking and feeling relates to the decision making process. Thinkers like to take a step back from a situation and analyse it using all the information they have before making a decision. They tend to measure situations against their logic and rules and then work out where to go from there.
People who prefer feeling are more likely to try and imagine themselves in the situation and make a decision from the inside. Instead of focusing on rules, they will look at the outcome for everyone involved, consider their needs and try and reach a conclusion based on balance and harmony. Both methods of decision making are wrong and both can lead to rational decisions.

Judgement vs Perception

These two preferences describe lifestyle. Judgement refers to the preference between thinking and feeling and perception refers to sensing or intuition. In real terms, judging types prefer to have decisions made and settled, while perceptive types are happy to keep their options open.
Just as someone might prefer intuition over sensing and feeling over thinking, they might also prefer feeling over intuition, which would make them a judging type. Equally, someone might have dominant sensing and thinking traits but prefer to use sensing more than thinking, which would make them a perceptive type. This last category only describes the way someone interacts with the external world so their internal thoughts could be very different.
This is a very brief introduction to a complex theory. While no one wants to be labelled as a certain “type” of person, it can be useful in both your professional and social life to know where you strengths and weaknesses might lie. When analysing how a new friend in London reacts to you – remember the personality types above. You will be surprised how you can fit your new friends into these personality types.

6) The secrets of body language

When communicating, it is easy to forget that the words we speak only make up half the message the other person receives. The other half of the message consists of body language, an important form of non-verbal communication. This describes things like posture, gestures and facial expressions and eye movements. It can be very difficult to hide your true feelings through body language as a lot of gestures are unconscious.
These gestures and expressions make up nearly 50% of the communication we have with other people. If you are looking to meet new people in London, it might be worth thinking about the signals you are sending out to others with your body language.
Words only make up half a conversation. Especially in new environments, they are often deliberately chosen and may not fully communicate the speakers feelings. Watching their body language is a great way to fit the other pieces in the jigsaw.

How to spot positive body language

Many people may seem comfortable, confident and at ease but their body language will show their true feelings. Relaxed body language includes gestures like gentle hand movements to emphasise what the speaker is saying. When people are feeling relaxed, they will often tap their feet if music is playing, sit with their legs out in front of them or use their hands to emphasise what they are saying in a calm, controlled way. A big clue to tell if someone likes and is comfortable with you; theyll lean in to your space a little, theyll touch you and they will be relaxed around you.
As well as general body language, many clues can be found in a persons face. If someone is relaxed then their smile will be full and broad. They will also smile with their eyes, instead of just their mouth. A relaxed person wont be frowning or staring. Their breathing will also reflect their emotional state – in this case, it would be slow and steady.

How to spot negative body language

Sometimes we can tell that someone is not particularly interested in a conversation even if they appear to be on the surface. It can be difficult to work out where these signals of boredom are coming from but it could be that they are revealing their true feelings using their body language.
Distraction is one of the key signs of boredom. Those who are distracted dont look at the person or people talking to them. Instead, their eyes wander around the room.
Repetitive actions are also a sign of boredom (not to be confused with the foot-tapping of the relaxed person above). When standing in a long queue at some point, you have probably felt the urge to start drumming your fingers or tapping your feet.

Ensure your body language is open and positive

Just as you will pick up many signals about someones mood from their body language, they will from yours too; quite often we are unaware of what messages we are sending with our body language. If you appear to be bored, when actually you are finding the conversation enjoyable, others are going to perceive those signals as mixed and confusing. Quite often people can reveal their true feelings about a situation without saying anything at all. What do you think your body language tells other people and does this reflect how you feel? Its important to maintain eye contact – looking away or down can send negative signals to the person you are speaking to and, relax – tension and nervousness is apparent and is unattractive.

Good posture is of the utmost importance; crossed arms for example, look defensive and act as a barrier – you might as well be shouting, dont talk to me!.  Keep your arms loose and relaxed, by your side. A tilted head could be an indication that you have something to hide, are shifty by nature or are nervous and constantly moving your feet can be a sign of nervousness, impatience or being scared. Such “closed” body language can be mistaken as a sign that you want to be left alone, which potential new friends will subconsciously pick up on and immediately avoid you – be aware of the image you portray using body language. A good “open” stance is to relax, keep your head up and your arms down by your side or confidently, in your pocket, telling everybody you are approachable.

Smiling

So simple but many people fail to smile when they meet someone new in London. When you smile it helps to put people at ease and make them feel you are friendly and approachable, which of course you are!
By smiling, you are telling everybody you are having a great time; they will want to be near you to share in the fun. If someone looks at you, smile at them – its like saying, “Hi, its ok to talk to me.” Another form of “open” body language, smiling makes you seem much more approachable and also serves to put people at ease.
And when youve pulled someone in for conversation or small talk, keep smiling; it shows you are interested and appreciate their company. Your smile needs to be genuine; a big cheesy grin for no apparent reason can be massively off-putting. If youre unsure of your smile, why not practise alone in the mirror. Try to remember, its the eyes that show the sincerity of a smile rather than the mouth.

7) How to break the ice when you meet someone new

In order to maximise the number of new friends in London you make; you are going to need to know how to start a conversation with stranger. Good communication skills show others you are a confident person and have a well rounded personality. The ability to make conversation is very important; yes it is daunting but does not need to be, follow my essential tips and you will soon be starting conversation with confidence.

Have interesting stories on standby for new friends in London

Think about what sorts of things you would like to talk about; your favourite films, music, books you have read, sports you play, places you have been etc. .Try to keep abreast with current affairs, watch TV, read newspapers and books, take note of anything you find interesting or funny, doing this will give you more to talk about. Essentially, you want to build a bank of interesting topics that will help you start or keep a conversation going.

Ask a leading question

Start the conversation with something interesting; think back to the first point. Always ask questions that cannot be answered with just a Yes or No. Try to find common ground with the person you are talking to and dont be afraid to ask questions any question, How is your evening going so far? Try to think about where the questions will lead to; what you are doing is cleverly steering the conversation to where you want it to go, so you can jump in at a point when you feel comfortable, “Oh so you are from east London – I live in east London too. Do you know this bar called…?”
In general people love talking about themselves, if you cant think of anything to say just ask more questions until you are ready to talk about yourself. After you have got the conversation moving make sure you ask for the new friends name, do this as early on as possible so you can drop it in as you go on. People appreciate being called by their own name and it proves you are interested in them.

Keep the conversation flowing

Talk about current affairs, though it is best to steer clear of religious and political issues until you know the person a bit better. You dont want to get involved in a debate when you first meet someone – if you want to do that it is much better to do it in more private surrounding with people you are familiar with. Talk about books you have read, films, talk about the football results, talk about London and so on. You will need to gauge what the person you are conversing with is interested in.  Remember to listen closely to what the other person is saying, dont interrupt them.

Use humour

You dont necessary have to be a funny person to be funny; all you have to do is remember jokes, funny stories and amusing things you have found. Using humour as an ‘ice breaker is an effective way to break down the social barriers some people put up. And think about it, the most popular people are funny – people love to laugh and be happy.

8) Top 5 conversation ice breakers

How is your evening going?
This is a great question in my experience and one of the best ‘ice breakers. With this question you are testing the water with a potential new friend in London. If they say I am really bored – I am going to leave soon – then you know you could be wasting your time or equally you have a chance to keep them entertained enough to want to stay. If they say “I am having a great time – then you know you have found someone happy who will be fun to hang around with for the evening. It is important not to get too personal too soon.

What do you do?

This question is a cliché. But knowing what someone does for work can tell you more about them than any other question. We spend more time working than doing anything else, so work dominates our lives. It is also a good way to find out what someone is passionate about – this is key to maintaining a conversation long enough to make new friends in London.

Where are you from?

London is a cosmopolitan city. There are over 250 nationalities living in London. The chances are a new person in London may not originally be from the capital or even the UK.  Even though someone has left their place of birth they are likely to still love their country of origin. From here you can ask further questions such as: How does London compare to your home city? How long have you been in London? What are your favourite places? And other such questions of enquiry.

Where do you live in London?

Who lives somewhere they hate? Not many of us! Here you are trying to gain common ground with someone and at the same time trying to engage the person in a subject they are passionate about discussing.
There are only four main areas to any city – north, east, south and west. So you have a 1 in 4 chance of living in the same area as your new friend. This is also a great branching question; from here you can discuss the persons favourite places to visit in the area.

What music do you like?

Music is a passion of most people. I have never met someone who doesnt like music. When asking this question it helps if you know venues in London quite well as you can then suggest a place to visit to experience music of the genre that your new friend likes. You could even ask the person if they would like to join you in a night out. From here you can also see what other hobbies the person has by asking:What other things are you into?

9) The art of conversation

Setting the scene

The first question to ask is: where do you want to meet people? The answers to this question might coincide with your hobbies. If you enjoy sports and decide to join a team, you will already be meeting people who have something in common with you. However, this might also be a great opportunity to try something new. There are groups and meetings throughout the city that cater for all sorts of activities so you are likely to find something that is of interest.

Choosing someone to talk to

Once you have chosen the setting, you need to start approaching people. This is easier for some than it is for others but, even if the idea of starting a conversation with a complete stranger is your worst nightmare, it has to happen at some point if you want to make new friends. Once you have taken that step, you can usually tell within the first few minutes whether you are going to get on with that person or not.

Start talking!

Small talk often scares people. It is perceived as being the trickiest of all types of conversation. But it truly is not. Do not be afraid of small talk! Talk about something obvious. It could be anything; just say whatever pops into your head at this stage it does not matter. All you are doing at this stage is breaking the ice. Talk about something going on close to you both – not something a long way away on the horizon that they will need binoculars to see!
A compliment always goes down well at this stage.

Speak at the right volume

Do not speak too loud or too softly. You must try and speak at an appropriate sound level. If you speak too loudly then you might scare the person. If you speak too softly you might risk not being heard and you might miss your chance to get the conversation going. If you are on a busy London street get a little closer to the person so you do not have to shout.

Be interested in the other person

This is critically important. You must come across genuinely interested in the other person as soon as the initial ice breaking part is over. The new friend you meet might be new to London too so ask them where they are from, that is always a great way to get things going. People love to talk about their home town.

Keep conversation topics short and pause between subjects

Do not talk on and on about the same subject when you first meet someone in London. Remember this is the first time you have met them. You need to find out as much about them in a short period. It is not a time for a lecture on the London congestion charge! You can save in depth conversations for when you know the person a little better.

Choose a safe subject

When you meet a new friend in London you will not know what their interests are at the start. They might love sport, eating out and film, you might hate these things. Try to avoid controversial subjects such as religion and politics. Save these subjects until you know them better. Try something neutral like commenting on your surroundings.

Have a temporary chameleonic persona!

Try and appear to be of a similar personality to your new potential friend in London. This is our secret tip. It takes a little practise but try it when you next meet someone new. Naturally, people are attracted to other people who are similar to them. This is human nature. So if you meet someone new in London and they like to laugh and joke when they speak, then try and do the same with them, even if you are not normally like that. This is not such an easy thing to master but see what effect it has. If you really cant emulate someone elses personality even for a short period, at least try and pretend you are interested in the same things that they are. You will be amazed by the results. You do not have to keep this up forever. Just for the initial short period when you first meet someone in London. You can become more like yourself later.

Remember your body language!

Keep it open and positive, like we talked about earlier.

Next steps

So you have found the place, found the person and now you are chatting away like old friends. What happens next? Well, it is completely up to you. Meeting new friends is a bit like dating. If you end the evening feeling like you want to see the person again, then, go for it! If not, then there will be other opportunities to meet someone you are better matched to in the future. If you do want to meet up again, talk to the other person and see what they want to do. While some people will enjoy meeting up for a coffee and a chat, you might also want to find an activity or event you will both enjoy; the possibilities are endless.

10) What makes people want to hang out with you?

If you want new friends in London, you will need to have things going for you that will make them want to be with you. These things can be as simple as adapting your tolerance levels to humour and even down to your hobbies. Here are a few things to think about.

Get busy living

One of the best ways to make people want to hang out with you in London is to have plenty going on in your life – do you have any hobbies or play any sports? If you dont, you need to start doing things with your life. You may consider volunteering, it is great for your community, you will meet more people and it can have a positive impact on your social life. The point is if you have nothing going on in your life, other than studies or work, you will be less attractive to people you meet and you will have less to talk about. You want to maximise the chances of having something in common with the people you meet.  Plus, any of those activities you are involved in will give you a huge confidence boost.

Humour

People love to laugh, simple. If you want people to want to spend time with you in London, make them laugh. Recount funny stories you have heard, tell jokes you think are funny, point out funny things that have happened on the TV or in your life. Another thing to consider is comedy lessons, it is another hobby and it will teach you to be funny, people will flock to be with you. Also a trick here is to watch lots of comedy on TV, on the internet and on film. This will be like having comedy lessons without the price tag! Just remember, you will need to know when to stop being funny.

Dont be too self focused

Me my favourite person right?  Wrong!  People dont want to keep hearing about you all the time. You wont make many friends if you dont take interest in other people when you meet them; listen to them, enjoy their company.

Contribute to conversations

It is important not to talk too much but at the same time it is important not to be too quiet either. If you are too quiet then it makes it hard work for potential new friends in London to make conversation and they will be less likely to want to hang out with you in future.

Tolerance wins

An important part of being likeable is tolerance.  Sometimes people you are with do annoying things, if it is not a serious problem you need to take to the high road rather than getting annoyed. Sometimes friends will ask you to go places you dont like, just think if you like the people there, the venue should not matter. You will need to be flexible, picture this: you are supposed to be meeting up at 8, but you call and no-ones ready, dont get angry just go with the flow. Also it is important to learn how to take a joke, friends will often tease – dont take it personally.

Be nice to people

Without being a walkover you need to do nice things for people, other people will soon notice and may want to hang out with you. It can be as simple as giving genuine and honest compliments or buying a drink for someone. You dont even have to do that, if you listen to people without butting in. Open-mindedness can also show you are a nice, well-rounded person.

Dont be cheap

When you are a student you have to be cheap and people will appreciate your situation, but later in life that just does not work. People may soon drop you if you continuously avoid paying for drinks. Lots of the things people want to do cost money; if your love of saving money keeps you from taking part in these things, you are only holding yourself back.  Your mates are going to want to eat out, they are going to want to go to a club and drink and they are going to want you there with them, spending money with them. Yes, having friends costs money – you have to accept that!

Accept every invitation

It is important we always squeeze this one in…you need to accept every invitation! If people you meet or any friends, ask you if you want to go out or do something, accept the invitation. You will need to put in the effort to go out and join in with everything; if you do you will get more invitations. And remember, the more things you experience the more you will have to talk about and subsequently, the more people will want to go out with you.

First Impressions

We all know first impressions count but what happens if your first impression unintentionally comes across as a little creepy? Lets picture this scenario. If you are at a party in London and you go up to talk to a group of new friends and within a few seconds they make excuses and disappear you might be coming across as weird.  When you are out meeting new friends in London make sure you dont make these common mistakes…

Dont act like a creep around new friends in London

A creep is someone who is eerily quiet as if there is something dark which they dont want you to know about. Creepy people have a dark lamenting side waiting for something to push it over. If you are coming across as creepy, you must be doing some of the things these weird people would do. Dont worry, you probably dont even know that you are doing it – it can be quickly sorted out with understanding and practise.
Body language and appearance are important here. Make sure you are well groomed, you have washed your hair and you have got your best aftershave or perfume on. Ensure you also have good posture, keep your back straight and make solid eye contact with whoever you talk to.

Dont play the rock star

The chances are it is just because you are a little different.
Individuality is a great thing – never forget that – but sometimes in order to allow others to accept you, you may have to tone it down a little. It is very easy to resent people because they think you are strange because you live your life differently but you have got to remember, people will judge you and sometimes they will get it wrong but you are never going to be able to stop the process. By making your appearance, image and actions a little more accessible you are raising the chances of people getting to know the real you and form a friendship.
You may think rock stars are cool and you may be attempting to emulate that image e.g. appearing standoffish and slightly arrogant. That can work for you if you are world famous as famous people can get away with it! You are not a famous rock star – you need to appear accessible and open.
You dont need to change the way you dress, merely the way you are perceived. However, insuring that you are well groomed and tidy does make a difference.

Get your body language right

Avoiding eye contact and lurking in corners screams of weirdness. You need to learn how to receive eye contact and approach new people in London. Dont flinch when somebody looks your way or fixes eye contact but look back with a subtle smile. Remember dont try to stare them out as this will appear odd, as will a cheesy grin. Not smiling enough or smiling too much will look strange, learn the middle ground.

Dont be the needy sheep

Neediness can come across as obsessive and therefore creepy. Dont follow potential new friends around like a puppy dog when you first meet them. Mingle with others too that way you will look popular and at the end of the night you can come back to the people you really like and get their number.

Respect others boundaries

This is the key thing which may cause people to misunderstand you. Everyone has boundaries, overstep them and they are going to think you are weird and creepy. Every friendship has levels, when you first meet people, think of the relationship as being on level 1, you cannot go automatically skipping to level 5, again moving too fast can lead to being be misinterpreted as odd.
On meeting someone, it is impolite to ask personal questions and it is quite rude. Sometimes it is hard to guess, what the boundaries are; to one person you may come across impersonal, to another you may come across as simply cocky and confident. Try to gauge your potential new friends personality type by discretely listening to their conversation. Stick to safe conversation topics such as current affairs, events or places in London etc. stay away from religion, politics, your love life/romantic experiences and anything on the macabre or dark side. The same goes with butting in, you should only join a conversation if you have something positive to add. If you catch the tail end of a conversation, dont jump in with, what are you talking about?

11) Where to finding new friends in London

There is nothing wrong in spending time alone but too much time alone can leave you feeling lonely, especially in a new city.  Broaden your horizons; if you think about it, London has a population of over 7 million- that is a lot of potential new friends! Here is how to quickly make friends in London.

Go to where potential new friends will be!

You wont make any new friends in London sitting at home watching the TV. The most effective way to maximise the amount of new people you meet is to join a group of people with a common interest, such as an arts group, a book group, a religious group or a particular society or club.

If you are of a more sporty nature, a great way to instantly meet a lot of people with similar interests is to join a sports team/group, dont worry if you are a little rusty or cant play that well- not all teams are that competitive, all you need to do is genuinely have fun and support your team/group members.

Another opportunity to meet new friends in London is by volunteering, which can be an extremely rewarding pastime. A quick search on the web shows there are many opportunities to volunteer in London.

Once involved in a team, group or indeed any social activity, you should find that one common interest is all that is needed to spark a friendship – if you put the work in. Who knows, your team/group mates may soon be inviting you out. Ultimately, if you have more things going on in your life, you will have more to talk about and potentially, more things in common with any potential new friend you may meet.

Use the web as a tool to find new friends

Being new to London, the internet is a great place to start looking for new friends. You need to be cautious though, as I am sure you are aware, not everyones motives are innocent. Otherwise, the internet can be a great tool to vet potential new friends in London. Make sure you assess the person, dont waste time chatting to people outside of London and ensure any meetings are made in public. new2london.com is a great place to meet and vet new friends, make sure you participate in the many fun events to maximise your friend making potential.

Dont be shy, Talk to people

Meeting new people and making friends in London requires a little effort; you could be surrounded by people at work, university, at a club or group and in your neighbourhood but you will never make friends if you dont make the effort to talk to anybody, so:

Talk to everybody, everywhere; speak to the person next in the queue, the shop assistant, the barman, the person sat next to you, anyone you come into contact with, talk to people at work, university, in a bar, pub, supermarket or bus – speak to people everywhere.

If at work, university or anywhere you go, dont sit with the people you usually do – find extra people to hang out with, you need to keep all options open and you never know, you could hit it off.

Dont seek to select certain people over others; talk to everyone. Realistically, in most cases, this will probably go no further but is a) good practise for starting conversations, the ability to speak to anyone is a fantastic trait to have and b) by just speaking to someone you have a chance of making a new acquaintance or maybe a lasting friendship. Repeat this over and over again, until you have made a positive connection, then, you may see where I am going with this, repeat – you can never have too many friends.

Introduce yourself

Londoners are usually the first people to admit that the citys people have a rather unfriendly reputation. At the same time, they will probably be able to give you several examples where that myth has been proved wrong. It is true that most people dont strike up conversations with the person sitting next to them on the bus every day but personal moments can happen. A lot of people will appreciate genuinely positive comments about their clothing, what they are doing at the time or something interesting you notice about them. Sleazy remarks will usually be met with short shrift so if you are approaching a member of the opposite sex, remember to strike a good balance between being friendly but not too forward.
The best way to start a conversation is to simply introduce yourself and ask them their names. Follow this up with a question, e.g. who are you here with?  And, how do you know them? The trick is to get them to start the conversation without realising it, people will be happy talking about themselves- your job is to listen and find common ground e.g. you play guitar? Me, too. Something to remember is that your experience and knowledge will make your conversation more interesting, talk about current affairs, any activities you participate in, or anything you have seen or read that you have enjoyed.

12) How to find opportunities to meet people

What counts as an opportunity?

Absolutely anything. Quite often, we might notice someone reading a book we once read ourselves and remember how great, terrible, tear-jerking or nonsensical it was. Alternatively, it could be a book we have never read before but one with an interesting title or a provocative cover. Both these instances present opportunities for striking up a conversation. Like a persons boots? Tell them. Want to ask the guy in football gear which local club he plays for? Do it. If you are used to the antisocial nature of commuting, it is easy to get sucked into an unfriendly frame of mind. However, It is always worth a try and you will get the message pretty quickly regarding whether the other person wants to talk or not. Even if you are not feeling too enthusiastic about spontaneous chats on the way to work, there will always be plenty of other opportunities down the line.

Where can you find opportunities?

Absolutely anywhere. Cafes, restaurants, public transport, shops, even on the street; I get around by bike and have had a few fun exchanges with fellow cyclists about the weather, the traffic and dodgy places to leave your bicycle. While none of these brief conversations have ever led to friendship, the point is that you never know. Unless you have a bad feeling about someone, there is no harm in engaging and enjoying a short interaction. However, it is important to use your judgement. The fact is that there are some people out there who are best avoided and you can usually tell who they are almost immediately.
While your safety is the highest priority, it is also important not to shut yourself off to new experiences. If you have a free evening, find something to do or see. Dont avoid last minute events just because you have not planned to go in advance. London is a great place with loads of cultural events like gigs, exhibitions, tours and talks. These are fantastic places for meeting like-minded people and making the most of your time in the city. After all, even if you dont find any lasting friendships, you can still have a nice evening out.
Finally, keep in mind that although meeting new friends in London might seem like a daunting task, it can happen in the most unexpected of ways.

Taking it to the next level

If you have just met someone you really get on with, make sure you organise a meet up, if you dont you might lose the opportunity to take the friendship any further – especially if you feel you may not meet the person again. Firstly, offer your contact details, ask them if they want to get together sometime for coffee/lunch/drinks etc – if they are interested in taking it any further, they have your details. Dont worry if they dont offer their own details; if you keep repeating this, someone will get back to you.

If you have already discovered you have a common interest, ask them more about it; ask them if there is a group they belong to, if so, when and where; the chances are they will invite you to come along – giving you the chance to meet even more people with similar interests. If, on the other hand, you are a member of a group, why ask them if they would like to come along and check it out.

Choose wisely

You dont have to be everyones friend, be selective – to a point; this will make sure the friends you make are quality friends. It is not about how many friends you have, it is how good and reliable they are. Once you have a few friends you may find that some are easier to get on with than others. You must always give people the benefits of the doubt but sometimes you may notice a friendship becoming unhealthy; they could become too needy, controlling, over critical or unnecessarily exposing you to new dangers. If this happens, you may need to get out of that friendship – do it carefully and wisely; take up new activities or join a new group, you can then say, genuinely, you have no spare time for them. You need to think, does this person make me feel good?  If the answer is no, trust your intuition and move on.

Learn to entertain

If you have met some people you trust, why not invite them to your house to hang out?  Being a good host means making sure your guests are comfortable. Give them a reason to come to your home and try your best to make your new friends at home. You could show off your culinary skills in a dinner party, or more informally, you could just have a few drinks and a chat. If you have a games console you could challenge your friends. Alternatively, you could organise events or nights out – your friend will love the fact you have taken the initiative and there is always the chance to grow your friendship circle.

Ditch your iPod

Ever get tempted to escape into your music or book? Resist the urge, it puts up an instant barrier to other like a big sign reading, “dont bother me, Im busy!” And no one will bother you. Chances are you wont meet new friends during rush hour, so its generally ok for tube or bus journeys – play it by ear, if someone sits next to you and their body language is open or you see a conversation starter, go for it! Otherwise, you could be missing out on some meaningful conversation. Imagine a chance encounter with a potential new friend, random I know, but it is possible, if you create unnecessary barriers, its never going to happen.

13) How to attract new friends in a social situation in London

Make sure you have a drink to hand

It sounds silly but having a drink can help you in this situation; Dutch courage being the obvious reason; alcohol can help calm the nerves in social situations. Another reason is it gives you something to focus on, something to take your mind off any social anxiety or nervousness. You can focus this anxiety away from you and into your drink; hold your drink by your chest, holding it by your face gives the same impression as folding your arms or looking down.

Network to find new friends

If you find people are still not approaching you, go to them. It is a great way to show you are confident and approachable. If you do not know anybody, the longer you spend skulking in the peripheries, the more difficult it will be to pick it up later on. When you arrive, you have an immediate excuse to approach people for small talk or conversation. If you are worried about what to say, a sincere compliment or introduction, followed by questions acts as a great ‘ice breaker. Make sure you are accommodating, positioning yourself for the conversation – if they are standing, get up, otherwise the conversation may be cut short due to them feeling uncomfortable.

Ever heard of smirting?

If you are a smoker, smirting (a phrase coined combining the words, flirting and smoking) is great way to approach others. In the UK you have to go outside to smoke, there are less distractions and you already have one thing in common; you are both smokers. If you dont smoke, you could use a similar tactic; use small talk after gaining someones eye contact for example, “What are you drinking, that looks nice?”

Fun people attract new friends

The best way to look approachable, in order to make friends in London, is to have fun and genuinely enjoy yourself. Dive into the atmosphere; dance, laugh and join in.  Having fun is a great way to dispel any social anxiety, you are changing your body language and any nervousness will disappear. Having fun will put you completely at ease and will make you appear confident and extremely approachable.

Physical appearance

In order to look approachable, you need to look like somebody would like to approach you. As is the case with body language, people may be subconsciously repelled by your physical appearance. Simple things like making sure your hair is tidy, you are well groomed, you have no stains on your clothes and if your shoes are clean all make a huge difference; first impressions count, we all stereotype subconsciously, even if we say we dont.
Make sure you are dressed appropriately for the situation, some bars and clubs have a dress code, this goes with other social situations; make sure you are clued up to the dress code. If you dont know, smart casual with shoes – not trainers, will generally be ok. Unless of course it is a black tie occasion. Finally, if you feel good about your appearance you will be more confident and appear more approachable.

Help out

If you get the chance to help out, do it. This will show people you are willing to do your fair share, particularly at a party – the host or hostess will be very appreciative. This is a fantastic pretext to meet new friends and the task will stop you from cowering in a corner feeling awkward. Another situation you could offer your help is when organising a get together, you could suggest venues, organise transport etc. All this helps to prove that you are open, helpful and that you are willing to make an effort and finally, that you would be a valuable friend.

Believe in yourself

Youll be a 100% more approachable to people if you exude confidence, believing that you are interesting and totally worth approaching, confidence is magnetic; having self belief will make others want to stop and talk to you and get to know you. If confidence is a sticking point for you, think about your accomplishments, all the things you have going for yourself and your skills. If you cant think of anything, you may need to learn new skills; take a class, take up a new hobby or join a sports team.

Turn acquaintances into friends

Most people have more acquaintances than friends in London and sometimes we might want to develop the relationships further and turn those acquaintances into something more. Taking that step can be difficult but there are a few things you can do to help develop a friendship with people you already know.

14) How to make friends at a party

Being new to London, you may get asked to parties where you will probably only know a handful of people, sometimes you may not know anyone there. This situation can be rather daunting. When you get your first party invites, dont fear it, just follow these simple tips and you will be a hit at any party and start making new friends in London instantly!

What to wear

You will need to feel comfortable with your clothes, otherwise you will be worrying about whether you are going to pop out of your top, and constantly pulling up your trousers when you need to pay attention to the conversation or join in the fun. This can make you seem nervous and uncomfortable around others.
Looking your best will give you the confidence to chat to strangers and have fun.

Arrival

Nothing is worse than arriving at a party too early when you dont know anybody. It is much better to be fashionably late. If you know some people going arrange to arrive with them, if not, an hour after the start is the perfect time to get there, there should be plenty of people and a wide range of opportunities to start conversations. But dont be too late as you will have to play catch up.

Alcohol

Ok you are there, first things first alcohol! If you have not brought any, naughty! You must find some, Alcohol, in moderation, acts as a great ice breaker, “Hi, do you mind if I have one of those? Hi, I am {INSERT NAME HERE}, nice to meet you” or “mmm, what is that? Mind if I try some?” If you have brought booze, why not offer some of it about, remember use it as a tool to meet people but dont get taken for granted. Either way, keep a drink in your hand; it gives you something to think about.

Mingle

One great way to socialise and have fun at a party, when you dont know many people there, is to leave your insecurities at the door and join in everything.  Be the life and soul of the party; act like everybody there, join in dance-offs, conversations, drinking games, computer games, join in everything. However, you should be aware of peoples boundaries and dont be too pushy – some people may not want to join in. This is a great tactic if you dont care what people will think after the party, some people may think you are weird but more importantly, others will think, “Who was that cool person? I want to be friends with them!”

15) How to find a friendship circle in London

Each person you know, from the guy who sits opposite you at work to the woman who lives opposite you at home, will probably have their own circle of friends. When people consciously think about making new friends in London, they usually assume they will have to go out of their way to do so. You might have thought about joining a sports team, taking up a new hobby or going to events designed to help people get to know each other. However, existing friends are often overlooked as a great source of new potential friends. More often than not, existing friends, boyfriends and girlfriends will usually have met each other through a mutual friend.
Meeting people through friends or acquaintances will also enable you to build a strong social network. Meeting individuals separately can result in long-lasting friendships but it could also leave you in a position where you are drifting from group to group. Having lots of individual friends can be great and there is nothing wrong with that but it could be difficult to build a solid network from there. Initiating yourself into an existing group can be difficult but once you are there, you will have several friends in one place who all know each other already.

Why making friends through friends in London works

The one big advantage of meeting people through existing friends is that the relationship will usually have a pretty high success rate. After all, if you know the friend well and know you like their character, then the chances are that at least some of their friends will have similar beliefs and world views. Of course, there will always be some people that your friend gets on with but with whom you feel like you have nothing in common. However, dont let that put you off. Every friendship has a diverse mix of people within it and even if you only meet one or two people you could consider being friends with, that is one or two more than before.
By meeting people through existing friends, you will probably find some great personalities who share similar interests and hold similar values to yourself. It is also a great way to get to know the people you are already acquainted with better. Meeting new people can be intimidating for some people but by using the friends you already have, you could have a blossoming social circle in no time at all.

Regular contact

The key to building a friendship is doing so step by step. Regular exchanges, no matter how brief, with the person you are looking to get to know will help the relationship grow over time. Thanks to the internet, there are many ways this can happen now. You dont have to be face to face with the person to show you care. Sending an email or using an instant messaging programme will work just as well.
If the acquaintance is someone you usually see as part of a group, try and meet up with them on their own. At work, people are usually busy and have too much on their minds for a proper conversation and if you usually see the person with a group of other friends, the others present could be a distraction. Meeting up for a quick cup of coffee or going to see a movie you are both interested in are great ways of breaking the ice.

Taking an interest

One of the main differences between acquaintances and friends in London is how well you know them. This means that, in order to build the friendship, it is a good idea to try and find out more about what the person is like, as well as information about their background and interests. Not only will this show that you are interested but it will also help you decide further whether you could potentially be friends or not. Try not to get too personal too quickly but simply show a genuine interest in how they are doing.

Making a gesture

Making a gesture or going out of your way to help someone can do a lot to build a friendship. If you are there for someone when they might need help, this will raise the trust levels in the relationship. Perhaps they are working on a project you could assist them with or, if you cant offer anything yourself, maybe you know someone who can. If they are moving house, offer to help; if they need a babysitter and you have a free evening, there is an opportunity to show your generous side.  Even if they dont take you up on the offer, you have made it and they will know that. While no one expects you to drop everything for them, just showing that you are a considerate person and have recognised that they might need assistance can make all the difference.

Seek out some old friends

Moving to a large city like London could leave you feeling quite lonely, especially in the first few weeks. Perhaps you already know a few people in the city, may be there are a couple of old friends or family members you could get in touch with; however you know them, they are excellent starting points to gain a new circle of friends, fast. And, if you are feeling lonely, catching up with old friends and family members from home can help you feel better. As well as giving you a sense of familiarity, it might help to talk through your feelings with people you can trust and see what advice they have to offer.

Dont be pushy

The possibility of a new friend in London can be exciting but it is important not to be pushy. You can show that you are interested and willing to help without being overbearing. Doing so will probably push them away. However, with the right balance and a bit of time, you could find yourself with a great long-lasting friendship.

Private time is still important

If you are new to London, meeting people and establishing a group of friends is going to be a high priority. However, having your own personal time is also necessary. After all, moving to a new location is a huge change and, although it affects people in different ways, having time to adjust to your new life is important.

Processing change

Moving to any big city is both exciting and nerve-wracking. London is no exception; as one of the largest and most diverse cities in Europe, it is full of new opportunities, vibrant communities and cultural variety. For some, this could be quite daunting. There is so much to take in and so many new places to explore that it might feel like you dont have time to do everything. Adapting to unfamiliar surroundings, and possibly new job or university, takes time and it is a good idea to form some kind of routine for yourself that you feel comfortable with first. Initially, you might be focused on settling in to your new home, familiarising yourself with the area and getting to grips with a new work environment. If you are feeling a little overwhelmed about trying to meet new people at the same time, take a step back and just focus on your daily life. Once you feel settled there then it will be easier to start meeting others and developing new friendships.

16) How to keep your friendship circle alive

Are you sitting at home watching the TV? None of your new friends in London have called in a while and you are feeling pretty lonely; you are probably feeling a little left out. This is a normal feeling, everybody gets left out at some point but it can be very upsetting, especially to those new to London and having few friends. Here is how to deal with it and get on with your life…

Make the first move

The chances are you are being paranoid; your friends could be ill or busy. They could even be feeling the same and wondering why you have not called them. The best way is to test the water by sending a message, something like “Hey, I have not seen you in a while, how is it going?” If they get back to you relatively quickly, with a friendly response, chances are they have been busy or may have been feeling the same as you. If their reply is delayed or distant, follow it up and try to make conversation. If after a few days, there has been no response, dont push it. If that is the case, get out there and look for more friends.

Become involved with people

Ask your new friends in London if they would like to make plans with you. You need to be tactfully explicit that you are free and want to hang out with them. They may already have plans but if you use this trick, rather than asking directly, there is a greater chance they will invite you along. Avoid asking what their plans are directly, if they are trying to exclude you, they will just tell you they are busy or become distant.

Organise a get together

If you take the initiative to organise something for your friends, the chances are they will take you up on your offer. There are a wide variety of fun activities available in London; you could go bowling, challenge your friends to a pool tournament, go to the cinema, laze about in one of the parks or perhaps you could go clubbing, anything to get you all together. Alternatively, if money is an issue, a DVD, games night or a party are fantastic substitutes to going out.
If you feel you have been excluded, this is your chance to show your friend what they have been missing – show them you are a fun person who they enjoy spending time with. Dont try too hard, you could risk coming across as desperate and they may end up ditching you.

Be a good friend

Once you have a few friends, remember to join in with everything.  Remember birthdays and be there for them when they need you. Remember just because you have friends it does not mean you can stop putting in the effort. Being a good friend means you are there for the good times and the bad times, certain sacrifices will have to be made to make sure you are there for your friends. If a friendship is one sided, this can cause unnecessary strain. Be reliable, let them know if you are not going to make an arranged meet up and try not to leave them waiting for you.

Learn when to shut up and listen; dont get carried away with yourself and just keep on talking and dont just nod along when they speak, genuinely listen to what your friend has to say and try to help them- if you understand, let your friend know you are there. The little things are priceless.

Go find new friends

If you are pretty sure your friends are cutting you out, get out and make some more! Stop sulking in front of the TV and get active. One of the best ways to make friends is by joining interest groups; if you enjoy literature, join a book group, if you enjoy the arts join a museum society. If you are of a sporty disposition, go join a team or club.
One thing is for sure, you are never going to make friends if you dont talk to people. Everywhere you go, talk to everybody. When at work, university or any where you come into contact with people, why not try speaking to that person who you normally wouldnt?  Who knows, you could really hit it off.

Organise another get togethers

As you did for point 3 but invite your new friends in London – along with the people who excluded you – chances are they will be surprised you have other friends and may start putting in the effort. Above all, you need to show everybody how much fun to be with you is to be around.

Keep yourself busy

You will start to feel lonely if you just sit alone watching TV.
Try to keep active, get fit – go running, swimming or to the gym. Indulge yourself, do the things you enjoy – anything to make you feel good about yourself; go shopping, get a new haircut.  Dont allow your mind to wander, use this time to do the things you have always wanted to do.

Show them your X factor

No, I dont mean gathering your friends to watch the TV talent show; I mean show your friends your special talent. It could be that you play guitar, write or cook really well – something that makes you stand out. If it is the culinary skills which you possess, why not invite your friends round for dinner? If you dont have an X factor, get a new hobby.

It is them not you!

If you have been excluded from the group, it is their problem not yours. You should always stay true to yourself, dont change for other people – but you can improve; try to work out what it was that drove them to cut you out and improve that aspect.  Dont act like a different person because you feel that is who your friends would prefer, think about it – they became friends with you, because of you.
Get a piece of paper and write down your good and bad points. Work on the bad points to become a better person, not a different person. If you still dont have a clue what it could be, ask people you see every day. Ask a few people to get a range of opinions, write them down and compare lists.

Call your family

Spend time with them if you can, if not make long distance calls. They will always be there for you, open up to them – this will help stop lonely feelings from creeping in.

Get a new hobby

One of the things which make us attractive to friends and new people is our skills. These skills can bring you closer to people, helping you meet new friends in London. If you have always wanted to learn to play guitar, do it. You could take comedy lessons; laughter is infectious, being witty can be attractive and learning how to be funny helps build confidence.

You are the architect of your own dreams. But not solely; the people who you surround yourself with influence can you without you even knowing. If you want to take control of your life and live your dreams here in London, you need to know which friends are a positive influence and which friends will just drag you down.

If you are in a relationship, you tell your friends about it right? You tell them when your partner annoys you, don’t you? Consider this, you tell your friends about certain aspects of your relationship and they make up an opinion of your relationship based on what you tell them. But the problem is it tends to be one sided.

We all get pissed off with our partners but it doesn’t mean it’s a bad relationship, does it?

Our friends will influence our decisions and we influence them too. What happens when you bitch about your partner? That’s it; they get a negative opinion about your partner. What if you told them, you were annoyed because your partner wants to co-ordinate things together.

This is a normal aspect of any relationship, right?

Then, one day, you call your partner up because you miss them. As soon as your friends find out they may get the wrong picture that your partner is being controlling. As much as you try to persuade them they have made up their opinions.

The point is your friends will influence you, regardless how small, regardless how big. In the example, what do you think will happen?

You will try to persuade them that your partner is not controlling but you’ll have planted doubts within your own mind, by way of your friends because you trust them, and every time you argue with your friends about the matter you’ll just reinforce the doubt. This is influence. 6, 12 months down the line the relationship could be over due to negative influence.

How to tell when you are being influenced by your friends

Ask yourself: who do I spend the most time with?

Consider your friends – think about their positive and negative aspects – the good parts of their personalities and their flaws.

Ask yourself: where do I see myself in the next 10 years surrounded by these friends?

Ask yourself: how do my friends influence my life?

Ask yourself: Do I need to tell this friend that? Be selective about what information you choose to tell certain friends.

Ask yourself: Will the people around me stop me from reaching my dreams and goals in life?

If the answer to that question is ‘yes’ or ‘maybe’ then you need to reconsider your friends role in your life. I’m not saying you need to end the relationship just minimise the time you spend and their influence over you.

Influence is fine, as long as it’s healthy.

Become aware of your thoughts

Most of our decisions are made unconsciously – all you need to do is monitor your thoughts and recognise when the influence of others is apparent.

Stop comparing

When you find yourself comparing yourself to others, stop! Who are you comparing yourself to? Remember, you could always do better than them- comparisons are extremely limiting.

Be yourself

Don’t stick to norms of the group – it’s ok to be different. If your friends do not like it when you be yourself, simply, they are not friends. Then its time to stop returning their calls and cut them out of your life