Friends

When communicating, it is easy to forget that the words we speak only make up half the message the other person receives. The other half of the message consists of body language, an important form of non-verbal communication. This describes things like posture, gestures and facial expressions and eye movements. It can be very difficult to hide your true feelings through body language as a lot of gestures are unconscious.

However, these gestures and expressions make up nearly 50% of the communication we have with other people. If youre looking to make new friends in London, it might be worth thinking about the signals youre sending out to others with your body language.

Words only make up half a conversation. Especially in new environments, they are often deliberately chosen and may not fully communicate the speakers feelings. Watching their body language is a great way to fit the other pieces in the jigsaw.

How to spot positive body language

Many people may seem comfortable, confident and at ease but their body language will show their true feelings. Relaxed body language includes gestures like gentle hand movements to emphasise what the speaker is saying. When people are feeling relaxed, they will often tap their feet if music is playing, sit with their legs out in front of them or use their hands to emphasise what they are saying in a calm, controlled way.

As well as general body language, many clues can be found in a persons face. If someone is relaxed then their smile will be full and broad. They will also smile with their eyes, instead of just their mouth. A relaxed person wont be frowning or staring. Their breathing will also reflect their emotional state – in this case, it will be slow and steady.

How to spot negative body language

Sometimes we can tell that someone isnt particularly interested in a conversation even if they appear to be on the surface. It can be difficult to work out where these signals of boredom are coming from but it could be that they are revealing their true feelings using their body language.

Distraction is one of the key signs of boredom. Those who are distracted dont look at the person or people talking to them. Instead, their eyes wander around the room. Repetitive actions are also a sign of boredom (not to be confused with the foot-tapping of the relaxed person above). When standing in a long queue at some point, youve probably felt the urge to start drumming your fingers or tapping your feet.

Ensure you have positive body language

Just as you will pick up many signals about someones mood from their body language, they will from yours too. Quite often we are unaware of what messages we are sending with our body language. If you appear to be bored when actually youre finding the conversation enjoyable, others are going to perceive those signals as mixed and confusing. Quite often people can reveal their true feelings about a situation without saying anything at all. What do you think your body language tells other people and does this reflect how you feel?

Making certain decisions, discovering your preferences and learning about your personality before you start meeting new friends in London will make the friendship process easier. If youre new to London and are feeling lonely then taking some alone time to figure out your goals and desires might be the last thing you want to do. However, it could really aid any new friendships as you will have a good idea of what your values, likes and dislikes are, and will also feel more clear about what you want from the friendship.

What kind of friends in London are you looking for?

The kind of friendship youre looking for will depend on a number of factors. Perhaps youre happy with the circle of friends you have from home so are only looking to find people to hang out with once a week or so. Alternatively, you may be looking for closer relationships. Deciding what kind of relationships you would like to have in advance will help you achieve those friendships sooner.

The kind of person you want as a friend is also important to think about. Do you want to meet people who are similar to old friends in your home country or city or do you want to mix with personalities that are a bit different? Reading our article on personality types might help you figure out what type you are and who youll be most compatible with.

Discover your london

Using your first couple of weeks in the city to explore and develop new interests and hobbies will put you in a good position to meet new friends in London. With a chance to find your feet first, youll already have your own life here before making new friends. Without that time to get settled, there is a risk that you might feel like your friendships have to work out in order for you to be happy here. This could make new friendships very pressured and ultimately will do more harm than good.

London is an exciting city and it is important to give yourself time to get used to the pace of life here. Whether youve come from a rural village or another city, youll need time to adjust. There is so much to see, hear and experience in the city, most people shut off a portion of their senses to avoid sensory overload. However, it is important to reconnect with your experiences and feelings at a time when youre not at risk of being overwhelmed. Time by yourself can be useful for this.

Future goals

Knowing what it is youre looking for, what you enjoy and what you want to get out of your time in London will help you develop self-confidence and trust your judgement and feelings. Living in London is a great opportunity and it is important to make the most of it. Your choices here could greatly influence your career and lifestyle. While future goals are always changeable, setting some personal goals before meeting new people in London will enable you to begin new friendships with a clear mind and an idea of what lies ahead.

Even if youve never been to the city before, youve probably heard a few of the stereotypes that exist about Londoners. Like most stereotypes and generalisations, the majority are untrue so try and keep an open mind when welcoming new friends in London into your life! Below are some of the most popular myths about Londoners debunked.

1) Londoners are antisocial

Not true. While some commuters can develop a concentrated thousand-yard stare that warns you to stay well away, a long, sweaty, standing-all-the-way journey home after a stressful day in the office would bring out the grouch in the best of us. For those who arent trapped underground come 6pm, however, antisocial is far from the truth. Londoners usually have places to go and people to see but that doesnt mean they wont exchange a friendly word, give directions or stop to help. If youre under the impression that city people hate other people, open your mind for a day or two and youll be amazed by how wrong you were.

2) Londoners drink too Much

The UK is known as the binge-drinking capital of Europe and while Shoreditch on a Saturday night doesnt do much to challenge this label, not all Londoners will be staggering out onto the pavements to hail a taxi at three in the morning. Pubs and bars are a firm part of British culture but this doesnt mean that were all closet alcoholics. Just like anywhere, youll get the people that overindulge occasionally but there are also many here who dont drink at all or enjoy a relaxing glass of wine in the evenings.

3) City folk are reserved and typically British

Oh yes, that stiff British upper lip… This stereotype has been around for so long that it will be pretty hard to shake any time soon. At one time, this may have been a just generalisation to make but its been out of date since about 1960. Londoners know how to have a good time, whatever that might mean to you.

4) They all speak like cockneys

Nah, guv. While you might find a few pearly kings and queens still living it up in the East End, the true cockney is a dying breed. Today, London contains people from over 270 different countries. This level of diversity means there is no typical London accent or lifestyle. The huge mixture of people is part of what makes the city an exciting place to stay in or live.

5) Londoners never leave the city

Actually, some Londoners crave the countryside. As great as the city is, the stress, fumes and noise often drives people out into the wilderness for day trips and holidays. When youre surrounded by people for most of the day, getting away from it all can be an appealing prospect. The city is surrounded by beautiful countryside, impressive buildings and many other things to visit. As hectic as life is, most Londoners try and take advantage of that as much as possible. There will always be people who never feel the need to leave the city but there are also many who view it as a welcome break.

Although everyone is different, there is a widely accepted theory that there are 16 potential personality types that could be used to categorise a person. The criteria for these include attitude, thought process and lifestyle. The 16 personality types are a result of four sets of preferences. Although some types are very similar, your particular personality type will affect your professional life, the type of friends in London you will attract and your lifestyle. For this reason, many people find it useful to work out which type describes their characteristics best. The most popular personality test that uses this template is called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and questionnaires can be found online.

Extroversion vs Introversion

The main difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts get their energy from reflecting then acting, while extroverts get their energy from acting first then reflecting later. Our article on introversion and extroversion describes the differences between these two personality types in more detail.

Sensing vs Intuition

Both these terms describe the way you take in information. People who prefer sensing are more likely to trust evidence and fact. Those who favour intuitive judgement on the other hand, are more likely to use abstract ideas or theories for information. These people are likely to say “I had a hunch”, whereas sensing types will usually dismiss hunches in favour of something more tangible and real.

Thinking vs Feeling

While sensing and intuition covers how information is absorbed, the difference between thinking and feeling relates to the decision making process. Thinkers like to take a step back from a situation and analyse it using all the information they have before making a decision. They tend to measure situations against their logic and rules and then work out where to go from there.

People who prefer feeling are more likely to try and imagine themselves in the situation and make a decision from the inside. Instead of focusing on rules, they will look at the outcome for everyone involved, consider their needs and try and reach a conclusion based on balance and harmony. Neither method of decision making is wrong and both can lead to rational decisions.

Judgement vs Perception

These two preferences describe lifestyle. Judgement refers to the preference between thinking and feeling and perception refers to sensing or intuition. In real terms, judging types prefer to have decisions made and settled, while perceptive types are happy to keep their options open.

Just as someone might prefer intuition over sensing and feeling over thinking, they might also prefer feeling over intuition, which would make them a judging type. Equally, someone might have dominant sensing and thinking traits but prefer to use sensing more than thinking, which would make them a perceptive type. This last category only describes the way someone interacts with the external world so their internal thoughts could be very different.

This is a very brief introduction to a complex theory. While no one wants to be labelled as a certain “type” of person, it can be useful in both your professional and social life to know where you strengths and weaknesses might lie. When analysing how a new friend in London reacts to you – remember the personality types above. You will be surprised how you can fit your new friends into these personality types.

If youre coming from school, university or somewhere where friendship groups were already established, meeting people might feel like it takes a lot of work. At school, we tend to get thrown together with the people who become our friends. Spending six to seven hours a day with the same people for five days a week means youre likely to know them pretty well after a while; work is no different. Having to leave that kind of social safety behind might leave you feeling quite isolated. Perhaps you dont have a job at the moment or maybe English isnt your first language. Whatever the case, hopefully the tips below will help you take the first steps towards making new friends in London.

Setting the scene

The first question to ask is: where do you want to meet people? The answers to this question might coincide with your hobbies. If you enjoy sports and decide to join a team, youll already be meeting people who have something in common with you. However, this might also be a great opportunity to try something new. There are groups and meetings throughout the city that cater for all sorts of activities so youre likely to find something that is of interest.

Choosing someone to talk to

Once youve chosen the setting, you need to start approaching people. This is easier for some than it is for others but, even if the idea of starting a conversation with a complete stranger is your worst nightmare, it has to happen at some point if you want to make new friends. Once youve taken that step, you can usually tell within the first few minutes whether youre going to get on with that person or not.

Beginning the conversation

If youve chosen the right person to talk to, youll probably have a genuine interest in their background and hobbies. Start with simple questions and see where the conversation goes. Topics like career, family and country of origin will tell you a lot about what kind of person they are. Keeping the conversation balanced is important; while you dont want to be doing all the talking yourself, you also dont want to feel like theyre not interested in you. See our tips on good conversation for a more hints around how to take that first step and break the ice.

Next steps

So youve found the place, found the person and now youre chatting away like old friends. What happens next? Well, its completely up to you. Meeting new friends is a bit like dating. If you end the evening feeling like you want to see the person again, then go for it. If not, then there will be other opportunities to meet someone youre better matched to in the future. If you do want to meet up again, talk to the other person and see what they want to do. While some people will enjoy meeting up for a coffee and a chat, you might also want to find an activity or event youll both enjoy; the possibilities are endless.