Friends

In order to maximise the number of new friends in London you make; youre going to need to know how to start a conversation with stranger. Good communication skills show others you are a confident person and have a well rounded personality. The ability to make conversation is very important; yes its daunting but doesnt need to be, follow my essential tips and youll soon be starting conversation with confidence.

1) Have interesting stories on standby for new friends in London

Think about what sorts of things youd like to talk about; your favourite films, music, books youve read, sports you play, places youve been etc. Try to keep abreast with current affairs, watch TV, read newspapers and books, take note of anything you find interesting or funny, doing this will give you more to talk about. Essentially, you want to build a bank of interesting topics that will help you start or keep a conversation going.

2) Body language

You can tell a lot about a person from their body language. Its important to be aware of the image you portray as it often speaks louder than words. Keep your body language open and relaxed; dont fold your arms or clench your fists, keep them loose and by your side. Remember to maintain eye contact – looking away or down can send negative signals to the person you are speaking to. And remember to smile, it doesnt need to be a huge cheesy grin but a laidback, casual smile says you are a friendly person before you speak a single word.

3) Ask a leading question

Start the conversation with something interesting, think back to point one. Always ask questions that cannot be answered with “Yes” or “No”. Try to find common ground with the person youre talking to and dont be afraid to ask questions any question, “How is your evening going so far?” Try to think about where the questions will lead to; what you are doing is cleverly steering the conversation to where you want it to go, so you can jump in at a point when you feel comfortable, “Oh so youre from east London – I live in east London too. Do you know this bar called…?”

In general people love talking about themselves, if you cant think of anything to say just ask more questions until you are ready to talk about yourself. After you have got the conversation moving make sure you ask for the new friends name. Do this as early on as possible so you can talk to them later. People appreciate being called by their own name and it proves you are interested in them.

4) Keep the conversation flowing

Talk about current affairs, though it is best to steer clear of religious and political issues until you know the person a bit better. You dont want to get involved in a debate when you first meet someone – if you want to do that its much better to do it in more private surrounding with people you are familiar with. Talk about books youve read, films, talk about the football results and so on. You will need to gauge what person you are conversing with is interested in. Remember to be listen closely to what the other person is saying, dont interrupt them.

5) Use humour

You dont necessary have to be funny a funny person to be funny; all you have to do is remember jokes, funny stories and amusing things youve found, think back to your bank in point one. Using humour as an ice breaker is an effective way to break down the social barriers some people put up. And think about, the most popular people are funny – people love to laugh and be happy.

Top 5 ice breakers when meeting new friends

1) How is your evening going?

This is a great question in my experience. One of the best ice breakers. Its important not to get too personal too soon. With this question you are testing the water with a potential new friend in London. If they say “Im really bored – Im going to leave soon” –then you know you could be wasting your time or equally you have a chance to keep them entertained enough to want to stay. If they say “Im having a great time” – then you know you have found someone happy who will be fun to hang around with for the evening.

2) What do you do?

This question is a cliche. But knowing what someone does for work can tell you more about them than any other question. We spend more time working than do anything else, so work dominates our lives. Its also a good way to find out what someone is passionate about – this is key to maintaining a conversation long enough to make newfriends in London.

3) Where are you from?

London is a cosmopolitan city. There are over 250 nationalities living in London. The chances are a new person in London may not originally be from the capital or even the UK. Even though someone has left their place of birth they are likely to still love their country of origin. From here you can ask further questions such as: How does London compare to your home city? How long have you been in London? What are your favourite places?

4) Where do you live in London?

Who lives somewhere they hate? Not many of us! Here you are trying to gain common ground with someone and at the same time trying to engage the person in a subject they are passionate about discussing.
There are only four main areas to any city – north, east, south and west. So you have a 1 in 4 chance of living in the same area as your new friend. This is also a great branching question. From here you can discuss the persons favourite places to visit in the area.

5) What music do you like?

Music is a passion of most people. Ive never met someone who doesnt like music. It helps if you know venues in London well when asking this question as you can then suggest a place to visit to experience music of the genre your new friend likes. You could even ask the person if they would like to join you in a night out. From here you can also see what other hobbies the person has by asking – What other things are you into?

Are you are sitting at home watching the TV, none of your new friends in London have called in a while and youre feeling pretty lonely; youre probably feeling a little left out. This is a normal feeling, everybody gets left out at some point but it can be very upsetting, especially to those new to London and having few friends. Heres how to deal with it and get on with your life…

1) Make the first move

The chances are youre being paranoid; your friends could be ill or busy. They could even be feeling the same and wondering why you havent called them. The best way is to test the water by sending a message, something like “Hey, I havent seen you in a while, hows it going?” If they get back to you relatively quickly, with a friendly response, chances are theyve been busy or may have been feeling the same as you. If their reply is delayed or distant, follow it up and try to make conversation. If after a few days, there has been no response, dont push it. If thats the case, get out there and look for more friends.

2) Become involved with people

Ask your new friends in London if they would like to make plans with you. You need to be tactfully explicit that you are free and want to hang out with them. They may already have plans but if you use this trick, rather than asking directly, theres a greater chance theyll invite you along. Avoid asking what their plans are directly, if they are trying to exclude you, theyll just tell you they are busy or become distant.

3) Organise a get together

If you take the initiative to organise something for your friends, the chances are theyll take you up on your offer. There are a wide variety of fun activities available in London; you could go bowling, challenge your friends to a pool tournament, go to the cinema, laze about in one of the parks or perhaps you could go clubbing, anything to get you all together. Alternatively, if money is an issue, a DVD, games night or a party are fantastic substitutes to going out.

If you feel youve been excluded, this is your chance to show your friend what they have been missing – show them you are a fun person who they enjoy spending time with. Dont try too hard, you could risk coming across as desperate and they may end up ditching you.

4) Go find new friends

If youre pretty sure your friends are cutting you out, get out and make some more! Stop sulking in front of the TV and get active. One of the best ways to make friends is by joining interest groups; if you enjoy literature, join a book group, if you enjoy the arts join a museum society. If you are of a sporty disposition, go join a team or club.

One thing is for sure, youre never going to make friends if you dont talk to people. Everywhere you go, talk to everybody. When at work, university or any where you come into contact with people, why not try speaking to that person who you normally wouldnt? Who knows, you could really hit it off.

5) Organise another get together

As you did for point 3 but invite your new friends in London – along with the people who excluded you – chances are, theyll be surprised you have other friends and may start putting in the effort. Above all, you need to show everybody how much fun to be with you is to be around.

6) Keep yourself busy

You will start to feel lonely if you just sit alone watching TV. Try to keep active, get fit – go running, swimming or to the gym. Indulge yourself, do the things you enjoy – anything to make you feel good about yourself; go shopping, get a new haircut. Dont allow your mind to wander, use this time to do the things youve always wanted to do; see point 10.

7) Show them your X factor

No, I dont mean gathering your friends to watch the TV talent show; I mean show your friends your special talent. It could be that you play guitar, write or cook really well – something that makes you stand out. If its the culinary skills which you posses, why not invite your friends round for dinner? If you dont have an X factor, see point 10.

8) Its them not you!

If you have been excluded from the group, its their problem not yours. You should always stay true to yourself, dont change for other people – but you can improve; try to work out what it was that drove them to cut you out and improve that aspect. Dont act like a different person because you feel thats who your friends would prefer, think about it  – they became friends with you, because of you.

Get a piece of paper and write down your good and bad points. Work on the bad points to become a better person, not a different person. If you still dont have a clue what it could be, ask people you see you every day. Ask a few people to get a range of opinions, write them down and compare lists.

9) Call your family

Spend time with them if you can, if not make long distance calls. They will always be there for you, open up to them – this will help stop lonely feelings from creeping in.

10) Get a new hobby

One of the things which make us attractive to friends and new people is our skills. These skills can bring you closer to people, helping you meet new friends in London. If youve always wanted to learn to play guitar, do it. You could take comedy lessons; laughter is infectious, being witty can be attractive and learning how to be funny helps build confidence. Same goes with acting and singing.

You need to occupy your mind in order to stop lonely feelings creeping in; the best way is to take part activities which can increase your potential to make new friends in London, such as volunteering.

Londoners are usually the first people to admit that the citys people have a rather unfriendly reputation. At the same time, theyll probably be able to give you several examples where that myth has been proved wrong. Its true that most people dont strike up conversations with the person sitting next to them on the bus every day but personal moments can happen. A lot of people will appreciate genuinely positive comments about their clothing, what theyre doing at the time or something interesting you notice about them. Sleazy remarks will usually be met with short shrift so if youre approaching a member of the opposite sex, remember to strike a good balance between being friendly but not too forward.

What counts as an opportunity to make a new friend in London?

Absolutely any situation can be an opportunity to make a new friends in London. Quite often, we might notice someone reading a book we once read ourselves and remember how great, terrible, tear-jerking or nonsensical it was. Alternatively, it could be a book weve never read before but one with an interesting title or a provocative cover. Both these instances present opportunities for striking up a conversation. Like a persons boots? Tell them. Want to ask the guy in football gear which local club he plays for? Do it. If youre used to the antisocial nature of commuting, it is easy to get sucked into an unfriendly frame of mind. However, its always worth a try and youll get the message pretty quickly regarding whether the other person wants to talk or not. Even if youre not feeling too enthusiastic about spontaneous chats on the way to work, there will always be plenty of other opportunities down the line.

Where can you find opportunities?

Absolutely anywhere. Cafes, restaurants, public transport, shops, even on the street. I get around by bike and have had a few fun exchanges with fellow cyclists about the weather, the traffic and dodgy places to leave your bicycle. While none of these brief conversations have ever led to friendship, the point is that you never know. Unless you have a bad feeling about someone, theres no harm in engaging and enjoying a short interaction. However, it is important to use your judgement. The fact is that there are some people out there who are best avoided and you can usually tell who they are almost immediately.

While your safety is the highest priority, its also important not to shut yourself off to new experiences. If you have a free evening, find something to do or see. Dont avoid last minute events just because you havent planned to go in advance. London is a great place with loads of cultural events like gigs, exhibitions, tours and talks. These are fantastic places for meeting like-minded people and making the most of your time in the city. After all, even if you dont find any lasting friendships, you can still have a nice evening out.

Finally, keep in mind that although meeting new friends in London might seem like a daunting task, it can happen in the most unexpected of ways.

Moving to a large city like London could leave you feeling quite lonely, especially in the first few weeks. Perhaps you already know a few people in the city, maybe there are a couple of old friends you could get in touch with. Most people new to London only know one or two people to begin with and, if theyre colleagues or flatmates, maybe you dont even know them very well yet. Whatever the situation is, these people could offer a great opportunity to make new friends in London in the future. Even if you havent known them for very long, going out and spending time with them and their friends could widen your social network.

Find a friendship circle in London

Each person you know, from the guy who sits opposite you at work to the woman who lives opposite you at home, will probably have their own circle of friends. When people consciously think about making new friends in London, they usually assume they will have to go out of their way to do so. You might have thought about joining a sports team, taking up a new hobby or going to events designed to help people get to know each other. However, existing friends are often overlooked as a great source of new potential friends. More often than not, existing friends, boyfriends and girlfriends will usually have met each other through a mutual friend.

Meeting people through friends or acquaintances will also enable you to build a strong social network. Meeting individuals separately can result in long-lasting friendships but it could also leave you in a position where youre drifting from group to group. Having lots of individual friends can be great and theres nothing wrong with that but it could be difficult to build a solid network from there. Initiating yourself into an existing group can be difficult but once youre there, youll have several friends in one place who all know each other already.

Why making friends through friends in London works

The one big advantage of meeting people through existing friends is that the relationship will usually have a pretty high success rate. After all, if you know the friend well and know you like their character, then the chances are that at least some of their friends will have similar beliefs and world views. Of course, there will always be some people that your friend gets on with but with whom you feel like you have nothing in common. However, dont let that put you off. Every friendship has a diverse mix of people within it and even if you only meet one or two people you could consider to be friends, thats one or two more than before.

By meeting people through existing friends, youll probably find some great personalities who share similar interests and hold similar values to yourself. Its also a great way to get to know the people youre already acquainted with better. Meeting new people can be intimidating for some people but by using the friends you already have, you could have a blossoming social circle in no time at all.

Those first conversations can be tricky. If you’re new to London and don’t know anyone in the city then you might feel some pressure to make friends quickly. Although it’s understandable, this mindset probably won’t help you feel relaxed when you do meet new friends in London. Many people find making conversation awkward but here are a few tips to help you feel more prepared.

Body Language

You can tell a lot about someone just by watching their body language. Their mood, energy levels and level of approachability can all be communicated in a second without words. In a conversation, your body language will be equally important. For instance, making eye contact shows someone that you’re interested and listening to what they have to say. This is not to be confused with staring, which will just make people feel uncomfortable! Looking around the room is fine, it depends on how much eye contact you would naturally make in a conversation.

Non-verbal agreements are also a good way of showing you are paying attention to what your partner is saying. Nods and “mmhms” will demonstrate you’re really listening and could have a positive effect on the conversation.

Reading the Signs

Staying aware of how the other person might be feeling is important if you want the conversation to be a positive experience for both parties involved. For instance, if your conversation partner seems quite shy, showering them with deeply personal questions probably isn’t going to help… Use your judgement and, if the conversation grinds to a halt, don’t panic. After all, with two people in the conversation, each have a 50% share of the responsibility to keep it going.

Be Yourself

The trick of finding the right balance in a conversation is about just that: balance. Expressing your own opinions and views is important as it enables the other person to get to know who you really are. It is possible to express your likes and dislikes and be agreeable without being dishonest and conforming to group opinions. Balance is also about sharing the conversation. While you will have your own views to offer, try not to do all the talking and don’t let the other person do all the talking themselves.

Two great questions to ask yourself at the beginning of any conversation are “What do I want to get out of this conversation?” and “What do I want to know about and share with this new friend?” Keeping these questions in mind will allow you to be curious, yet maintain boundaries you are comfortable with. You can show you are interested in them by asking about their job, their hobbies, where they are from originally and why they came to London. At the same time, however, getting too personal too soon won’t work in your favour. If anything, it will attract the wrong kinds of people and repel those who could become good friends over time. Balance is about intuition, good judgement and genuine curiosity – with these tools it will be difficult for the conversation to go badly and, if it does, the chances are that it won’t be your fault.