Friends

A wise man once said that between 60-70% of all communication is non-verbal. In other words, our gestures,expressions, mannerisms and movements are talking the entire time – even if our mouths are shut.

If you are a non English speaker looking to meet new friends in London; in a young relationship; with a new friend or youre simply trying to impress someone, read on to find how with the right moves, you can still get the right message across with as few words as possible.

Head

1. Your head is the part of your body that the person youre with will be looking at the entire time so any movement will be noticed pretty much immediately.

2. If you tilt your headto one side slightly, this shows that you are interested in the person or the thing you are looking at. You could try this as the other person is talking about something that theyre interested in, throw in a subtle smile and youre on to a winner!

3. Keep your head up as opposed to lowering it towards the floor as this signifies negativity. A raised head can portray a positive attitude towards the person and the situation. All those rappers werent lying when they said Keep ya head up!

4. Touching your ear can tell someone that you are being dishonest and anxious about something so save your ears for listening only and keep your hands off!

5. Naturally, when listening to someone, you want to nod as the person is talking to show that you are interested in what they are saying but if you start bobbing your head erratically with every single word theyre saying, you will come across as insincere…and youll look kinda weird too.

6. If you are a woman, stroking your hair will show that you are feeling sexy and are definitely interested in the other person. This message is also transmitted through a slight parting of your lips.

Eyes

7. Have you ever heard the adage The eyes are the window to the soul? If you havent, then youre erm…lucky as its been well over used.  There is, however some truth in cliché phrases and your eyes are probably the most important and overt communicator in the world of non verbal language.

8. You want to look the person in the eyes without making them feel uncomfortable with a harsh stare. You could try looking in to their eyes whilst intermittently averting your eyes.

9. There are times when you have no control of your eyes and if they brighten or widen, this will tell the person that you are definitely interested in them. Short of permanently wearing sunglasses, theres no getting away from this.
10. When youre sat opposite the person, ensure your eyes are fixed on them or around them. Looking all around the room or worse, over their shoulder is a sure fire way of telling them that they are boring you and youre looking for stimulation from elsewhere.

11. Blinking incessantly signifies nerves. If you want to appear confident and self assured, keep the fluttering to a minimum.

12. If you are a man and you want to let that all important woman that you are liking what you see, a slight narrowing of your eyes should do the trick.Just be careful not to look as if youre suffering from a weird squint

Body, Arms and Hands

13. Many of us use our hands and arms as part of communicating, particularly if you are mediterranean. Most of the time, this is positive, unless you happen to accidentally smack your date in the face…ooops.

14. Whatever you do, do not sit with your arms folded. This is an obvious sign that you are uncomfortable with the sitation and you are feeling defensive. Keep your arms by your side so signify a relaxed attitude…the last person you want to resemble is an angry headmistress.

15. Keeping the palms of your hands showing instead of keeping your hands face down, shows that you are an open person who is honest and willing to talk.

16. Never point your finger (or indeed a knife) whilst talking as this portrays aggression.

17. No matter how bad a habit you may have, resist the urge to bite your fingernails. Unless you want the person youre with to think that youre a nervous wreck.

18. Touching your chest subtly implies honesty…just dont over rub 🙂

19. If you really want to let the person youre with know that youre interested in them, a slight touch of their leg or knee will serve as a definitive sign. Just be sure that you  actually like them first!

Feet and Legs

20. When sitting down, pointing your legs towards the person shows that you are interested in them, whilst pointing them away from the person gives the complete opposite message.

21. Relaxed muscles whilst sitting cross legged indicate a person who is comfortable and relaxed.

22. Never bounce or tap your foot as the other person is talking. This suggests boredom and anxiety…and is downright annoying.

23. Walking at a normal pace with a straight back will show that you are confident and self assured.

Remember, some body language is voluntary, whilst some isnt. If you genuinely like someone, most of your body should do the hard part whilst you can concetrate on the aspects that you can control. The most important sign of all is an honest smile…if you can that down to a tee, youre home dry.

With texting and emails having replaced actual voice on voice action (talking is so last year), that first message is more important than ever if you want to make new friends in London.

So if you ever find that you just dont get a response from your messages, read on to discover wha\t you might be doing wrong and more importantly, how to change it.

1) Speak properly

According to a study undertaken by okcupid.com the overuse of netspeak, poor spelling and bad grammar are all overt turn offs. This means that for the first few messages at least, show the other person that you actually do know how to spell and construct proper sentences. Avoid the use of netspeak words such as wat, realy, luv ur, r and ya. Later on when you have built some sort of a relationship with the person in question, you can surely amend this to give your fingers a rest! First impressions last and this goes for texting as well.

2) Avoid gratuitous compliments

This is really more for the guys but can work both ways. Everyone likes to hear pleasant things about them but there are certain words which can appear insincere such as sexy cutie and gorgeous. Words which can be applied more universally to the person as well as their looks fare far better. So if you want a response, stick to words such as cool, awesome, unique. Okcupid.com also found that the use of the word pretty received far more responses when it was used as an adverb as in pretty cool or pretty good as opposed to when used as an adjective as in youre pretty. The key is substance over style.

3) Think outside the text box

Your first greeting is the first word the receiver sees so its highly imperative that its a word that they dont see all the time. Anyone can write hello or hi. Its boring and ineffectual. Try using more unique salutes such as Hows it going? (which implies that you care about their day) or something fun such as hola. Okcupids study found that whats up yo howdy hows it going and hola received the most replies with hey coming out the worst.

4) Be Specfic to the person

Noone wants to receive a message from someone who acts as if theyre writing that same message to every person on the block. Its been proven (okcupid.com) that questions geared towards that persons specific interests written with thought out phrases, receive the most responses. Phrases such as I noticed that you recently went to see Kings of Leon, how did you enjoy it? or You mention that one of your favourite movies is….. If you want a reply from the person, start getting to know them by reading up on their profile and their page.

5) Refrain from talking about religion

This doent mean that you have to make like REM and lose your religion but leaving the God talk to one side has fared better when receiving a reply on social networks.

6) Exercise humility

The study continues with the use of self effacing words proving to be more of a success with the women. Perhaps it is because women like a man to appear more sensitive and humble. Whatever the reason, words such as sorry, apologise, awkward probably and kinda worked.

7) Ask Questions

Theres nothing more unattractive than someone who messages YOU only to talk about themselves non-stop. Utilise rule nubmer 4 and ask the person questions and actually respond and remember the answer.

8) Dont double message

You may have sent them a emssage two hours ago but just because they havent responded, it doesnt mean that you should bombard them with more messages. Wait, be patient. If you leave them to it, it shows that you have a life, you were just trying to make space for them in it. Multiple messaging is a sure put off.

9) Introduce a nickname

You may not know them but calling them by a nickname will create an air of conifdence around you and also build a connection between the two of you. Steer clear of superficial, generic nicknames such as cutie pie or honey or the worst of the worst; babe. Instead, something like trouble or Princess of Leon (If she lieks the band for example). Perusing their profile is the ebst way to concoct a nickname.

10) Be yourself

There is no point in talking about a band that you dont like just because s/he does. Be genuine and that way youll be able to maintain it.

Remember, once you get to know a person and a relationship is well under way, youll be able to relax more with the rules and you may even be able to slip in a babe here and there.

We can define popularity as being generally like or admired. But do beautiful people naturally attract new friends in London easier? – and become more popular as a result?

You often hear the phrase – oh looks dont affect your attractiveness. Although it is true that looks are only one component of your overall appeal. Studies have consistently shown there is a link between attractiveness and popularity. Therefore it is true if you are good looking you should have no problem meeting new friends in London

What is the definition of attractive?

Men and women consistently agree on the definition of attractiveness. Over 90% of participants in a worldwide study agree on facial attractiveness based on facial symmetry of Asian, Hispanic, Black and White men and women. Both genders agree that attractive individuals typically have large eyes and lips and small noses and chins. Crazily superficial we know!

Extensive research has shown that in social situations such as bars we can observe patterns based on the looks of the people in the bar…

Who gets approached by new friends?

Women of high attractiveness will be approached by both male and female friends more frequently than will women of lower attractiveness.

Who approaches new friends?

Women of high attractiveness will approach both male and female friends more frequently than will women of lower attractiveness.

High attractiveness women vs low attractiveness women

Attractive women are more popular overall than are women of lower attractiveness. Women of high attractiveness are approached more, and are approaching significantly more members of both sexes- reflecting greater popularity.

More of social like behaviour suggests that attractive women have better social skill and are, capable of initiating more interactions.

Beautiful is good

What the research shows is just how significant the positive traits associated with attractive people are. Good looking people are perceived by others to be more confident, intelligent, successful, assertive and happy.

Is attractiveness more than just looks?

Studies also show a connection between physical attraction and social skills, revealing that attractive people will be treated with greater social grace and acceptance. The result of which will mean the attractive person will have higher self-esteem, self-concept and emotional stability. Women do not place the same importance on as men but they are attracted to healthy men who are well built. Fortunately any man can work on their physique by visiting the gym regularly.

Women are attracted to strong, influential and charismatic men. Women need protection; survival and replication are the deep routed psychological traits women are looking to fulfil when looking for in a man. The fantasy man and the reality man are usually two very different people for women. When women think logically about attraction they use different parameters for selection than what takes over in the heat of the moment. Self confidence is the only personality trait that appeals to universally to women. If you want to attract women then build self confidence. Women need to feel secure by being close to a dominant man. Someone who takes the lead instead of a back seat. Thats why nice guys finish last.

1) Start talking!

Small talk often scares people. It is perceived as being the trickiest of all types of conversation. But it truly is not. Do not be afraid of small talk! Talk about something obvious. It could be anything; just say whatever pops into your head at this stage it does not matter. All you are doing at this stage is breaking the ice. Talk about something close by to you both and not something a long way away on the horizon that they will need binoculars to see!
A compliment always goes down well at this stage.

2) Smile

So simple but many people fail to smile when they meet new friends in London. When you smile it helps to put the other person at ease and make them feel you are friendly and approachable, which of course you are!

3) Speak at the right volume

Do not speak too loud or too softly. You must try and speak at an appropriate sound level. If you speak too loudly then you might scare the person. If you speak too softly you might risk not being heard and you might miss your chance to get the conversation going. If you are on a busy London street get a little closer to the person so you do not have to shout.

4) Be interested in the other person

This is critically important. How must come across genuinely interested in the other person as soon as the initial ice breaking part is over. The new friend you meet might be new to London too so ask them where they are from, that is always a great way to get things going. People love to talk about their home town.

5) Keep conversation topics short and pause between subjects

Do not talk on and on about the same subject when you first meet someone in London. Remember this is the first time you have met them. You need to find out as much about them in a short period. It is not a time for a lecture on the London congestion charge! You can save in depth conversations for when you know the person a little better.

6) Choose a safe subject

When you meet a new friend in London you will not know what their interests are at the start. They might love sport, eating out and film, you might hate these things. Try to avoid controversial subjects such as religion and politics. Save these subjects until you know them better.

7) Have a temporary chameleonic persona

Try and appear to be of a similar personality to your new potential friend in London. This is our secret tip. It takes a little practise but try it when you next meet someone new. Naturally, people are attracted to other people who are similar to them. This is human nature. So if you meet someone new in London and they like to laugh and joke when they speak, then try and do the same with them, even if you are not normally like that. This is not such an easy thing to master but see what effect it has. If you really cant emulate someone elses personality even for a short period at least try and pretend you are interested in the same things that they are. You will be amazed by the results. You do not have to keep this up forever. Just for the initial short period when you first meet someone in London. You can become more like yourself later.

If you want to meet new friends in London, you will need to have things going for you that will make them want to make friends with you. These things can be as simple as adapting your tolerance levels to humour and even down to your hobbies. Here are a few things to think about.

Get busy living

One of the best ways to make people want to hang out with you in London is to have plenty going on in your life in London! Do you have any hobbies or play any sports in London? If you dont, you need to start doing things with your life.  You may consider volunteering, its great for your community, youll meet more people and it can have a positive impact on your social life. The point is if you have nothing going on in your life, other than studies or work, you will be less attractive to people you meet and youll have less to talk about. You want to maximise the chances of having something in common with the people you meet. Plus, any all those activities youre involved in will give you a huge confidence boost.

Improve your sense of humour

People love to laugh, simple. If you want people to want to spend time with you in London, make them laugh. Recount funny stories youve heard, tell jokes you think are funny, point out funny things that have happened on the TV or in your life. Another thing to consider is comedy lessons, its another hobby and it will teach you to be funny, people will flock to be with you. Also a trick here is to watch lots of comedy on TV, on the internet and on film. This will be like having comedy lessons without the price tag! Just remember, youll need to know when to stop being funny.

Dont be too self focused

Me, my favourite person right? Wrong! People dont want to keep hearing about you all the time. You wont make many friends if you dont take interest in other people when you meet them in London.

Contribute to conversations

Its important not to talk too much but at the same time its important not to be too quiet either. If you are too quiet then it makes it hard work for potential new friends in London to make conversation and they will be less likely to want to hang out with you in future.

Tolerance wins

An important part of being likeable is tolerance. Sometimes people you are with do annoying things, if its not a serious problem you need to take to the high road rather than getting annoyed. Sometimes friends will ask you to go places you dont like, just think if you like the people there, the venue shouldnt matter. You will need to be flexible, picture this: youre supposed to be meeting up at 8, but you call and no-ones ready, dont get angry just go with the flow. Also it is important to learn how to take a joke, friends will often tease – dont take it personally.

Be nice to people

Without being a walkover you need to do nice things for people, other people will soon notice and may want to hang out with you. It can be as simple as giving genuine and honest compliments or buying a drink for someone. You dont even have to do that, if you listen to people without butting in. Open-mindedness can also show you are a nice, well-rounded person.

Dont be cheap

When youre a student you have to be cheap. But later in life that doesnt work. People will soon drop you if you are continuously not paying for drinks when youre out in London.  Lots of the things people want to do cost money. If your love of saving money keeps you from taking part in these things then youre holding yourself back. People are going to want to eat out, theyre going to want to go to a club, and drink. Yes having friends is an expensive hobby- you have to accept that!

Accept every invitation

Its important we always squeeze this one in…you need to accept every invitation! If people you meet or any friends, ask you if you want to go out or do something, accept the invitation. You will need to put in the effort to go out and join in with everything; if you do youll get more invitations. And remember, the more things you experience the more youll have to talk about and subsequently, the more people will want to go out with you.