Dating

Texting is an easy and cheap way to communicate. A text message can get across what you want to say better than speaking face to face. If you are looking to meet new people in London, the convenience can be a godsend. However, there are many pitfalls to the simple art of texting. Here is a list of the most important problems to avoid when you want to meet people in London via text.

Have something interesting to say

Texts that amount to “What are you doing?” only inspire vague answers and can be seen as controlling in relationships or plain irritating in a dating context. This is especially true if have just started dating. London is a huge city and people treasure their time and privacy. Leading with bland questions is generally not a smart idea.

The dangers of autocorrect

Whether you are sending a text to the man you have started to dating, a work colleague or your boss – spelling is important. You make judgements of other people when face to face eg how they dress, their body language and their voice tonality – the same goes for texting. The information in a text message is two-dimensional, only your words and how they were typed are judged so avoid short cuts and make sure your spelling is correct or you run the risk of being judged negatively. Be careful to double check autocorrect hasn’t inadvertently changed one of your words before you press send – or you could seriously embarrass yourself!

Read between the lines

If someone is replying to your novel length text with short answers, this means they are either busy at the time or just not into you. Respecting peoples space is important and your friends and partners will thank you for it. If your texts are getting one word answers and contain no questions back to you it might be time to more on to someone new.

Short and sweet

Sending long or repeated messages was not what text messaging was invented for. If you want an in depth conversation, call or email your new friend. If a text conversation is going on for more than 3 messages, the chances are you will save time and get what you want to say across much better with a phone call.

Do not text when drunk

This piece of advice goes for all electronic communication. Like oil and water, alcohol and technology do not mix. Things that may seem profound at three in the morning after 10 beers often make no sense the next morning. Stay away from Tweets and status updates too, you can deny you said something stupid, you cant deny youve written it when its there for all to see. If you have work colleagues or bosses reading your feed, that spells double trouble and becomes especially important. You wouldnt be the first to lose your job for a stupid moment of drunk typing.

Avoid arguing

It is impossible to gauge intonation within a text; this is why anachronisms like “LOL” were invented. What might be a mild disagreement can easily turn into full blooded warfare within the confines of text messaging. If you need to talk about something with a person you are dating in London, call them or speak face to face, its amazing how much information can be lost without body language and tonality and most of the time these gaps are filled with our imagination, insecurities and grudges.

It is amazing how many times girls in London find themselves asking this question. Does he really like me? A woman in love always tries to determine her position in a mans heart before making a strong emotional commitment. This is usually an intelligent attempt to avoid bad break ups in the future and the emotional pain that comes with it.

There are some natural signals that women should look for in a man to determine their position in a mans life before they start dating in London. Men subconsciously portray certain signals if they are attracted to a woman when they meet in London. Here are some of the most common indicators that men in love portray to their female partners.

He approaches you

If a man directly approaches you for a casual conversation outside eg in a coffee shop, bar, or bookshop, in most cases, he is hitting on you. It takes a lot of inner strength and courage for a man to make a random approach to a woman in this kind of setting.

He says it

Your new friend or date may say “I like you”. But listen to his voice and body language to determine if he truly means what he says. He could be saying those words just to get you into bed! He could also be feeling sorry for you or think you are fun as a friend, but not as a partner.

He asks a lot of questions

Men tend to ask a lot of questions when they are attracted to a girl. If he asks questions which seem irrelevant – he is trying to keep the conversation going. The venue is not important – it could be at a club or a house party. Some questions he may ask may be out of politeness but if the questions get more obscure – he is interested in you.

His body language

A man will lean close to a girl if he likes her. Looking at the effort a man is putting in when having a conversation with a woman is the simplest way to know if he is truly interested in her. Also watch his reaction to other men around you. If he tries to put them down with jokes or push them away with hand movements he is trying to eliminate his competition because he is attracted to you.

He acts differently around you

How does he act around you when his friends are there? If he is protective over you and speaks to you more frequently than his mates – chances are he likes you. Depending on his personality type – he may act quieter, talk slightly differently, behave nervously, or appear shy when having conversations with you with others there. So the answers are all there – you just need to read the signs in your man before getting to serious with him.

Call them what you will, ‘chat up lines’ or ‘pick up lines’ don’t actually work. Get the idea out of your head now! You may have the perfect chat up line, one you’ve spent months perfecting, but nothing works better than simply introducing yourself and saying Hi!

Many guys see women as the same and think that chat up lines and tricks will work. Wrong! There’s quote about this in classic sitcom, Red Dwarf.

‘You see [women] as some alien species that you need to conquer with trickery. They are people!’

This sums up many guys approach to talking to women.

You really need to get out of the mindset that you can go up to a woman and try an opening line or perhaps a trick like ‘accidentally’ bumping into them so you can start talking to them.  Women tend not to like it, trust me.

Women think chat up lines are cheap

And they are right. A chat up line is something you learn or make up so you can pretend confidence.  Women are unique and expect to treated so, wouldn’t you? So don’t pull out another cheap one-liner that you use on every girl,she’ll think you are doing it just to ‘get’ her, rather than actually starting a conversation with her naturally and more importantly, she’ll know you are not treating her like an individual and that you are not being yourself.

Small talk

According to a study by Edinburgh University, when 127 female subjects were tested using compliments and chat up lines. Guess what? The study found that women do not respond well to chat up lines.

However, talking about the surroundings or situation was more successful. So rather than ‘was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?’ You should try talking about the music.

Sexy chat up lines

The study also tested sexy chat up lines and, surprise surprise, they were the least successful.

The researchers came up with a theory that these lines are used  in order to find out which women are more likely to be up for a one bight stand– explaining why some pick up artists systems claim they know exactly what is needed to pick up women.

Confidence

Generally, confidence is an attractive quality. It takes more guts to be able to walk up to someone and say Hi than with a false purpose like a chat up line. The chat up line is a sort of wall you can build to hide behind because you have no confidence – the chat up line is false confidence. You need to break down this false confidence and be yourself. Break the ice with you, being you, rather than a line which is not you.

Authenticity

Another thing women find attractive is authenticity – you being yourself. Chat up lines and false compliments are totally obvious – the object of your desires knows you are using a line and therefore, are neither confident nor authentic because you have to use a chat up line.

False compliments

Many dating advice systems say that men should offer compliments as an ice breaker. No no no! From a women’s perspective – this is huge turn off. The idea is by offering these compliments you are asserting yourself as confident and powerful. The reality is most confident women will see right through this and be offended. And, of course it’s not being authentic.

Great, you have found a guy you really like. But stop, is he really interested in you? If you notice any of the following points you need to be wary.

Just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, he may still want to sleep with you – so you should know from the offset what you’re getting into so that you don’t get hurt.

Lack of planning

This is one of the most obvious sign that’s he’s not interested in you. If you call him up to make plans but he won’t commit or says ‘maybe’. What he’s doing here, is trying to keep his options open in case something ‘better’ comes up.

It could be another woman; it could be going to the pub with his mates.  Either way, what he’s saying here, essentially, is that he doesn’t like you enough to commit; he’s looking for a better offer. Another indicator of this lack of interest is if he does make plan but stands you up or cancels – he’s found a better offer.  In that case, all you probably are to him is a phone number with the possibility of sex, if you want more than this from him, you are going to be unhappy.

Standing you up or cancelling last minute, could, of course, be coincidental; he may have an emergency. So, make sure you are certain before you make a decision.

He never calls

If you have to call him because he never calls you, he’s not really interested in you. If he does like you, he’ll do the chasing. He won’t be able to stop himself. Same goes if he says he will call you and he doesn’t. He’s not ‘too busy’, he hasn’t’ lost your number’; he’s just not that into you.  On the other hand, there may be a legitimate reason for not calling, so trust your instincts. But if it happens all the time, he’s definitely not interested.

He never asks questions

In other words, he doesn’t want to get to know you better.  Chances are, he has already found out enough about you to get you into bed and doesn’t need to know about the things you like or what you think about, say,  the ‘present economic climate’ or what your favourite food is etc. If this is the case, and you want to be more to him than a number he calls so he can have sex, get out of there as soon as you can; you will only going to get hurt.

He doesn’t introduce his friends

This one is a bit of a no brainer; if after a month or two of dating and he still hasn’t introduced you to his mates, chances are he doesn’t see much of a future for you two.  Think about it, if he was actually interested in you and a long tern relationship with you, he wouldn’t be able to stop talking about you with his friends and, furthermore, would want to link the two things that make him happy; his friends and his girl.

He’s still not asked you out

Simply, if there’s a guy you like, maybe you’ve known each other for a while, but he hasn’t asked you out already, chances are he’s not attracted to you. He could of course be shy, in which case you ask him out and gauge the response.

Asking a girl out on a date can be one of the hardest things that a guy has to do. But why, it doesn’t have to be. Read on to find out how easy it is to ask a girl out on a date.

Positive Thinking

Before you ask a girl out you should use positive thinking to help you become more confident and give you the courage to enable you to ask a girl out. Think about your achievements – what are you good at? Think about personal traits and achievements that you are proud of – it could be anything from getting your degree, getting a new job or even scoring a cracking goal at the weekend. Think about it and say to yourself:

‘yes, I am good, why would she not want to go out with me?’

Just Ask

If you don’t ask, you won’t get. Simple. Step out of your comfort zone

Find Common Ground

There is absolutely no point in just going up to girl you’ve just met, maybe you haven’t even met her, and just asking for her phone number or to go on a date.

Women want you to be interested in them. Talk to her, ask her questions and find out what she likes. A great way to ask a girl on a date is by doing just that, then when she mentions something you like too, say something like:

 ‘cool, I like them too. There’s a concert on next week – would you like to go?’

If you find no common ground, chances are the relationship is not going to work.
If she is someone you vaguely know, maybe from work or your friends, then you could check out her social networking profiles or ask her fiends to find out what she likes. But that’s a bit creepy. Nothing beats actually talking to her.

Don’t used closed Questions

Don’t just say would you like to go out on a date, that’s a closed question – there’s only a 50% chance she’ll say yes. Rethink your approach – find common ground and let it lead naturally to you asking her out, as above.

Know that she wants you to ask her out

A great way to tell if a girl wants you to ask her out on a date is if she asks lots of questions. If she wants to know every last detail about this means she likes you, and you should definitely ask her out on a date.

Or, if you still need help, try this:

Whilst I don’t agree with pick up lines -they are impersonal and staged – here are some lines which can help you take your conversation to the next stage. You’ll let her know you are interested in her, whilst giving her a chance to say, ‘no’ (so you can move on), without any of the psychological trickery which some dating ‘guru’s’ advise.

Can I buy you dinner?

If you want to ask a girl out on a date, a great way is to come out and say

“Can I buy you dinner next week?”

Yeah, there’s only a 50% chance she’ll say yes, but if she does, you’ll know she’s definitely interested. This type of question lets her know you are interested in her in a romantic way whilst giving her the option to say no.

Tell her you are taking her out

A riskier approach, but we all know women find confidence sexy in a man. Simply saying something like:

‘I’m taking you out this weekend, it’s going to be fun’

can be extremely effective.

You need to find a balance though, as you could come across as creepy or scarily dominant. Whilst being assertive and confident, you are also appealing to her fun loving side and inquisitive side by adding, ‘it’s going to be fun’ but at the same time letting her know that ultimately, the decision is hers.