Dating

So you’ve gone out and met a girl – you could be dating or she could be a friend of a friend – either way if you notice any of these behaviours, give up as, chances are, she’s just  not attracted to you.

Sometimes, some of these behaviours are an indicator that she’s so attracted to you she can’t trust herself around you. But, that’s so rare so, unless you notice indicators that she’s attracted to you. Don’t kid yourself, she’s not into you; don’t waste any more time chasing the wrong girl, move on and get back out there.

Eye contact

Eye contact is a great indicator as to whether she finds you attractive or not. If she won’t maintain eye contact with you for more than a few seconds, then she’s probably not interested in you.

She keeps a distance

If she likes to keep a distance of about 1 foot (30 centimetres) constantly, then I’d say she’s not interested.  The same goes if she hasn’t made any physical contact with you – when a girl is attracted to someone, she’ll let the other girls in the room know that she likes you by making obvious physical contact. So an accidental brushing probably won’t count.

She repays you

If you take a girl out for a drink and:

she won’t let you buy her a drink, or
insists on returning the favour if you do, she’s probably not attracted to you.

The reason?  She doesn’t want to feel like she owes you something.

She doesn’t get back to you

She’s not too busy, she hasn’t accidentally forwarded you to voicemail and no, she hasn’t lost your number; if she doesn’t get back to you, she’s not interested. If she really did like you, she would find the time to respond to your calls, emails, texts or messages.  So, if it takes her a day or two to get back to you then she doesn’t find you attractive and pursuing it would be pointless.

She doesn’t want to know

That is, she never asks you to go into more detail. Quite simply, if you’ve been out on a few dates, or if you’ve met her a few times with friends, and she doesn’t want to know any more about you, she’s not attracted to you.

She tries to set you up with her friends

This is probably the most obvious sign that she’s not interested. She may use this as tactic to get rid of you and your affections. Think about it, girls generally like to set their single friends up, so, if she starts talking about her friends and:

makes it obvious to you that they are single and,
asks you what you think about them , then she’s  not interested in you.

She avoids spending time alone with you

If she’s always got her friends with her then she’s probably trying to distance herself, stopping you from being intimate with her and, therefore, you can accurately deduce that she’s not attracted to you.

We’ve all done it, embarrassed ourselves by hitting on a girl we have no chance with. To be able to tell if she is attracted you read this simple guide – don’t be a fool!

Picture this, you are out on a great night in somewhere in London and a guy has come up to speak to you. How do you tell if he is attracted you? Read on and find out how you can tell, from his compliments, whether he actually likes you and wants to ask you on a date in London or whether he just wants to get you into bed.

First Glance

A vital sign, as to whether she finds you attractive or not, is when you first catch each other’s gaze from across the room. If she likes you, she’ll hold the eye contact for a little longer than normal, maybe a second or two. Then, she’ll look away. The telling sign, if she’s really interested, is if she looks back at you smiling.

Mirroring

Mirroring is when we slightly copy each other’s movements and body language. So, she goes for her glass and drinks the same time as you do, or maybe she’ll touch her face the same time as you, that’s a good indicator that she finds you attractive. This goes for both men and women and usually occurs when we want to get someone to like us.

Change in posture

If women see someone they find attractive looking at them they will change their posture, arching their back to appear more curvy and attractive to men. If you catch a girl who you are looking at or talking to do this, then she probably likes you.

She’ll play with her hair

Yes, it is true! When a women sees someone they are attracted to they will go through a series of self checks to ensure their hair, or her make-up, is ok. These checks will generally be pretty subtle so she may not, as the myth goes, actually play with her hair.

She’ll soften her features

Usually, when people do not know that they are being watched they will have quite hardened features. But if a woman finds you attractive, she will do her best to soften her features and become more smiley so that you will find her prettier.

Touching

If she likes you, she’ll make a signal to the other women to tell them to back off, ‘he’s mine!’She’ll do this by subtlety touching you whilst you are speaking – usual places are the arms or the shoulders. So if this happens, and it’s not an accident or to push you away, then it would be fair to assume she likes you. Another way to find out if she finds you attractive, is if she leans into your personal space.

A more proactive way to work out whether she is attracted to you is by touching her or moving into her personal space – if she is comfortable with you, and possibly attracted to you, she will not mind.If she pushes you away or appears uncomforable, back off!

The first glance

When you first cast eyes upon each other, if he is attracted to you he should hold eye contact for a little longer than normal – this would probably be no more than half a second. Then, he will break eye contact and look away. But if he’s interested in you, he’ll look back at you again.

He’s looking at you

Maybe he hasn’t caught your eye yet but if, say, you are at a bar and a guy looks over at you more than once he probably likes you. Same goes if you are listening to someone speak and he keeps looking over at you.

Smiling

When a man finds someone attractive he can’t help smiling but then he’ll try to hide it a little. You should then see a half smile and, if you saw him smile fully first, this indicates he may be attracted to you.

The approach

If he’s attracted to you, he’ll want to come over. If you like him you should indicate that you want him to approach you by smiling, being warm, friendly, by being yourself and having fun. Playing hard to get is not a good idea – don’t start a potential relationship with game playing – you may set a precedent.

Singled out!

If he wants to get your full attention he’ll try and single you out. This could mean separating you a little from your friends, standing in front of you – blocking out your chances of catching someone else’s eye – or, if you are sitting,  by putting his arm along the back of the chair.

Animal signals

We are animals, after all, so if he likes you one way to tell is if he acts like an alpha male. What he should do is try to make himself look bigger by putting back his shoulders and sticking out his chest. This is him showing that he’s strong and will be able to look after you.

Eye contact

If he’s listening to you, he should look you directly in the eyes. But if his eyes drift down your mouth and back again then he’s probably thinking about kissing you.

How to tell he wants to ask you out

If he wants to ask you out he’ll give you a lot of eye contact. If you like him, encourage him to ask you out him by smiling, making lots of eye contact and flirting with him.

Compliments

It’s a well known fact that ‘pick up’ systems tell guys to compliment girls. The thing is, these compliments are usually false and designed to trick you into sleeping with them. You can usually see through these false compliments – if a guy you’ve only just met compliments you on your appearance or something about you that he doesn’t know much about, he’s probably trying to ‘pick’ you up.

But if a guy comments on something specific, other than your looks, it’s because he finds you interesting i.e. he may compliment you on your career, on something you’ve accomplished or he may compliment you on a common interest. This type of compliment shows he wants to get to know you and likes you for more than your looks. If you want to know if a guy is genuinely attracted to you, and not just trying to pick you up for sex, see what he choose to compliments you on.

And if she’s not attracted to you…

On that note, yeah, it’s a sad fact that not every woman will find you attractive. Here’s how to tell if she’s not attracted to you.

She won’t laugh at your jokes

Laughter is a form of flirting – if she’s not laughing when you crack jokes, regardless of how great or lame they are, she’s not interested.

Telling signs

If she stays about a foot away from you while you speak you have no chance – same goes if you move into her space and she looks uncomfortable. Also, If she won’t hold eye contact for more than a second then it is safe to assume that she does not find you attractive

So you want to go speed dating in London? Well it can be a difficult business to get right. Do you flirt do you not flirt? Reveal your secrets or keep your cards close to your chest? Here is our ultimate guide to speed dating success in London.

1) Stand up straight

Tall people tend to command attention. Posture is very important. Do not slouch. Do not stare at the floor. Keep your chin up and your shoulders back but do not look rigid.

2) Eye contact

Eye contact is critically important. If you make eye contact with your date it means you are engaged with what they are saying. You also need to make eye contact when you speak as this give you authority and ensure the other person listens to you and doesn’t get distracted

3) Smile

Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Everyone loves a smiley person. It makes you more attractive especially to strangers

4) Laugh

Laugh at your dates jokes. Even if they aren’t that funny. Laughing conveys sense of humour and makes everyone believe you are a fun person to be around.

5) Be flirty

If you are speed dating in London you will not have much time to make an impression so ensure your conversation is flirty where possible as that will trigger emotion in whoever you would like to meet later

6) Be interested

Do not talk too much about yourself or your potential date may think you are not interested. Make sure your conversation is balanced between finding out about your date and you selling yourself.

7) Intensity

This is a date not an interrogation. So you need to give off a relaxed vibe. You need to have a calm and balanced demeanour. However dont be too chilled out or your date may think you are not interested.

8) Prepare questions

Ensure you have a bank of questions in your head so that you never run out of things to say. For a list of speed dating questions check out this post here.

9) Dont drink too much

Having a couple of glasses of wine is fine but if you come across drunk to your date they will think. you are not serious and move on

10) Manners

Be kind and courteous to your potential partner. Do not try and flirt with others while you are speaking with your speed date. That is rude and will get you nowhere.

11) Conversation topics

Keep the conversation light-hearted and fun. Avoid heavy topics such as politics, religion and race. Avoid swearing too. Travel, interests and life passions are always good starting points for conversation with someone new.

12) The judge wont budge

Its important to not be too opinionated or to judge your new date. Save that for when you get married! Even if you disagree with a person, don’t say ‘I hate people who do that’ or ‘that makes absolutely no sense to me’ just nod and smile and move the conversation in a different direction.

13) Personal hygiene

Who is attracted to someone hairy and smelly. Answer…Nobody. Sounds like a formality but its always amazing how many people break this basic rule. Speed dating events can be held in small and overcrowded places so always best to overdo it with the fragrances.

14) Desperate and needy

The point of a speed dating event is you will have the chance to get your favourite dates contact details easily. Dont rush to force a number on somebody within 30 seconds. Make a mental note of who you like so you can get their details later on

15) Keep notes

The speed dating event organisers should give you some kind of score card to remember your favourite dates. Make sure you use it.

16) Dont Linger

When the bell rings wrap up your conversation. Timing and politeness is important here. Cut short your meeting too sharply and you risk offending your date. Stay too long and you risk causing irritating your fellow dating friends.

17) Give signals of intent

Of course you don’t want to declare undying love to someone you met 2 minutes ago. But if you did enjoy your conversation with your speed date be sure to let them know with a smile and a parting comment such as ‘it was great meeting you – hope to see you again later’.

18) Dont quit too soon

Chances are with a short speed date you will have just laid the foundation for a future meeting – perhaps. After the speeding dating is complete you should get the opportunity to chat and mingle. Dont waste this opportunity. You are as likely to connect with someone here as at any other point in the evening

19) Movers are winners

Studies show approaching someone (as opposed to being approached) makes you seem more attractive. In speed dating there will be sitters. People who sit still, and movers the people that move chairs when the bell rings – to move on to the next date. Given the choice be a mover!

20) Throw your preconceptions out the window

Everyone believes they have a strict set of criteria for a potential mate. And that a partner must meet this criteria. The reality is different. Ultimately all of us simply want; a non-crazy, friendly, good-looking partner with reasonable prospects for the future.

Your eyes met, your smiles matched and numbers were exchanged with hope and excitement.  However, whilst you thought your first date consisted of flowing drinks and scintillating conversation, you never heard from him again. So what went wrong? Read on to discover the magic beans that turn 1 Date in to 10. And there isnt a beanstalk in sight.

1) Dont be too available but at the same time

Hes asked you out but you want to let him know that you have a busy, exciting life right? If he suggests meeting on a Wednesday, politely decline but enthusiastically suggest another day such as Thursday. Even suggest things to do on you date. This tells him that you have a life but youre willing to make space for him in it.

2) Dress to impress but accordingly so

Whilst it may be tempting to show him all of your goods in one go, your aim is to have him wondering what you have to offer.  Thats right girls, that overused phrase less is more will become your new mantra.
You want to dress smart/casual. This is a phrase you will see a lot; possibly on nightclub flyers, invitations etc. It essentially means that if you wear casual jeans, dress them up with high heels.
If you are unsure of the style trend in London, there are great high street stores with websites which sell affordable, on trend fashion such as www.riversisland.com, www.topshop.com www.asos.com and www.boohoo.com to name but a few.
Just remember the cardinal rule! Choose which asset youre going to show off but never show cleavage AND legs. If you want to see him again, leave the mini dress at home.

3) Wear make up but dont over do it

I dont know any girl who would go on a first date without wearing any make up but you need to be careful with your technique.
For example, if bright red lipstick is your trademark look, youre going to need to save it for your third or fourth date. Although most men love to see a girls unique style, anything too striking can be a slight put off so try to keep it neutral on the first date. Keep the base of your foundation light and simply enhance your natural features. As you get to know each other better, hell probably be begging to see you in red lipstick!

4) Maintain eye contact

This doesnt mean that you should participate in some weird, stare out game with your eye balls but intermittent looks in to his eyes whilst hes talking whilst nodding your head subtly, will show him that youre really listening to him.

5) Ask questions

Everyone loves talking about themselves. Fact. You want to express an interest in him so ask him questions about his hobbies, any pets he might have and what his favourite films are. Not only will this give you vaulable information about the guy you could be dating but it will portray you as a great listener. Brownie points overload.

6) Laugh at his jokes

If you can do this, youre halfway there. Inevitably, the guy will be nervous and he his primary objective of the night will be to impress you. Some men act macho, some flash the cash, others…tell jokes. Whether the jokes are funny or not, if you like him; youre going to have to start laughing.

7) Use positive body language

There is abslutely no point in liking someone if youre looking over their shoulder, sitting with your arms crossed and have your legs facing in their opposite direction. All these signs tell him subconsciously that you are not interested in him.
So if you want to see him again, act relaxed. This means behaving in an open manner by having your arms beside you, making sure your knees are facing him (all this stuff matters, trust me) and keeping your gaze on him.

8) Smile

Some girls are unrelaxed, or dont want to ruin their make up or hate their teeth. Whatever the reason, NOT smiling is guaranteed to look ten times worse.
Flashing your pearly whites makes you appear instantly more attractive, approachable and it has the power to relax the people around you…not to mention the uplifting effects it has.
Try smiling at people on the tube…I bet you a fiver they smile back and I bet you a tenner, it makes you feel great 🙂

9) Never do anything more than a kiss

Depending on the kind of guy he is, he may lean in for a cheeky goodnight kiss at the end of the night.
If you want to go in for it, it can be a pleasant way to end the evening and can give you that lovely warm feeling on your way home.
Never, ever do any more than a kiss on the first date. This means not kissing elsewhere, no touching, no more!

10) Offer to go dutch

Although many of us expect the man to pay on the first date and it feels great when he does, it can be unattractive to assume that a man will immediately pay for everything – especially if youve just ordered lobster.
When the bill arrives, notice his body language. Did he reach for the bill? Is he fumbling for his wallet? Has he looked to you for reassurance? If you offer to go halves, hell be reassured that youre willing to be treated as an equal…and hopefully hell end up paying for it anyway!

Above all, make sure youre happy, interested and yourself because usually,  when you really like someone your own mind does the rest.