Mark Andrew

There isnt a person alive who hasnt felt the overt urge to wring their partners neck after s/he made an insensitive comment/left the toilet seat up/lost their temper over something minor. Is it ever really worth it? Read on to find out how you can avoid the most common arguments when dating in London.

In a fast paced city such as London, life is already hard enough. Some arguments are inevitable and can even be healthy but if you have a loving partner to share your experiences with; youre lucky. Nurture that person and you’ll soon realise that there is no need for unnecessary drama and arguments. Save the fireworks for the place it matters most…the garden on November 5th.

1) Money

Arguing about money is very common amongst couples from all walks of life and unfortunately it can tear a relationship apart. If one person is a saver and the other likes to spend, it is perfect breeding ground for a tumultuous clash of lifestyles.
The key is to discuss your attitude towards money right before your relationship gets serious. That way, there are no surprises and you can make steps to finding a middle ground for both of your lifestyles.

2) Work stress

Working life in London is tough. Take the commute, the underground and the pressure to meet deadlines and targets and youve got one very stressed out person. Stress at work often leads to stress at home with couples taking out their frustrations on one another.
If your partner takes out his/her anger on you try not to retaliate immediately. Most people need a few moments alone when they arrive home from work so avoid talking incessantly about your day straight away. If you wait a while and speak with a calm, soothing voice, the atmosphere will be far more relaxed for the both of you. A glass of wine already waiting for them wont go amis either!

3) Schedules

So much to do and so little time If youve ever uttered this phrase, then youll know what its like to stick to a schedule. The pressure of doing so can often manifest itself in to stress which then results in to arguments. Try to plan ahead but know that if things dont go according to plan, its not the end of the world either. The best moments are often when things go awry and off schedule. Spontaneity is a great aphrodisiac too…just a thought.

4) Housework

If you live together, youre bound to see another side of one another and lazyness is usually prevalent in many households. Arguing over cleaning is as common as muck (sorry) and can lead to bigger arguments.
To avoid such a dispute, communication is again, the key to happiness – and a clean house. There are certain hoousehold duties which some people simply detest doing i.e. the ironing. IF your partner hates doing something, it is futile to expect him to do it anyway. Instead, offer him a task you are not so fond of and find a compromise. Rotas can be slightly forced and restrictive so try not to have anything in black and white. Verbal agreements can work just as well.

5) Sex

Some people dont think theyre getting enough whils others think their partner wants it too much. Whatever the reason, sex can sometimes be more of a hindrance than a help. It is of course important to rmember that there is not a normal frequency for sex in relationships so avoid comapring your sex life to your best friends/neighbours/cats mother. Talking about sex is often a great substitute for foreplay and can proffer a great start to a resolution.

6) Boredom

Youve been together for a while and everything is going smoothly; there isnt a cloud in start. So what do you do? You create one. This is often known as bickering and occasionally lends itself well as a bit of excitement but if one of you is a drama queen, the bickering can very easily metamorphosise in to a full blown argument which is certainly not sexy. Know where to draw the line, or you could find that the line has been drawn under you.
7.The past. We all have one and we all regret certain things that are in it. The past is often brought in to arguments when someone is worried that it can affect their present or future. If your partner happens to have behaved completely differently to the way they behave now, it is normal to feel slightly worried that they may revert back to that person eventually.
There is absolutely no reason why you should know everything about your partners past. People evolve all the time and who they are with you is who they are. If I had a pound for each time someone crigned at a past mistake or act, Id be writing this from my yacht right now.

7) Compatibility

There may be fireworks in the bedroom but if your views on touchy subjects such as religion and politics differ too much, there may be trouble down the line. Either keep a neutral stance when subjects are broached or avoid the subjects altogether. That way, you get to keep that all important element of peace.

8) Blame

When things go wrong, its easy (and convenient) to blame your partner. After all, youve known them for ages, you know they love you and theyre not going anywhere, right? Wrong. Taking your partner for granted is a common mistake and results in many single people who just didnt know where they went wrong. Remember that you and your partner are a team and youve chosen to be  together.

9) Selfishness

Every one is selfish to a certain degree; we know this much. However, possessing an unwillingness to listen to the other person at all is highly unattractive and downright rude.
The easiest way to avoid an argument? Give and take. You love that person, right? You want to be with that person, right? So listen to that person. Your life is easier in an instant; why, its like magic.

Remember when people used to actually talk on the telephone? No, neither do I. Texting has fast replaced the world of verbal talk and where comfort resides, mistakes often follow. In the world of dating in London you need to get your texting right or trouble will ensue.

Its just a little message, it doesnt really mean anything, right? Wrong. That all important text is likely to be analysed and re-read so make sure you write ir right – first time around.

1) No drinking and texting

Its a long awaited night out and youve sipped a few cocktails. Your inhibitions are vanishing faster than Tara Palmer Tomkinsons nose and all of a sudden, an imaginary light bulb appears above your drunken head. Whatever you do, refrain from sending him a drunken text! Drunk texts are way too obvious, unsexy and are rife with evidence that you are thinking about him. Leave the mystery intact and save the texts for the morning light.

2) Peek-a-text

Playing hard to get is as old as the dating game itself but even randomness is a pattern. Game playing is just boring. Pretending you didnt see his text and taking days to respond is as predictable as texting back straight away and if youre not careful; he might just save his words for the girl who did text back. By all means, wait the mandatory ten minutes but leave the delayed mail for the post office.

3) Text-versating

A bit of banter is fine but holding a full blown conversation about serious matters over text is frustrating and nonsensical. You can never fully grasp the persons tone, its a breeding ground for mis interpretations and its basically anxiety in a tiny device. Not cool.

4) Sexting

Whilst it can be welcome foreplay to send flirty texts, make sure you know the guy fully before sending him detailed explanations about what you want to do to him/what you want him to do to you etc. Or you can send him all the filth you like and run the risk of your friends receiving a list of your favourite sexual positions should you fall out.

5) Its not you, its text

No matter how temptingly easy it may be, resist breaking up over text. Its cowardly, rude and it serves as a match to any bridges you may have had. You wouldnt like it done to you so dont do it to him. Simples.

6) Shoot for the texts

Texting for the sake of it is painful and transparent. The guy doesnt care that you just spent £100 on a pair of Topshop shoes nor has he seen Eastenders this week. Make sure your texts serve a purpose or you might find that you no longer do (harsh but true).

7) On a clear day, you can text forever

Clarity is key. If youre meeting him at 7pm, make sure you include where. If youre running late, ensure you include how much longer youre going to be. Texts do not explain themselves; you tell the phone what to type.

8) Double or quits

If you havent received a response to your last text, dont double text him. Its desperate and he probably wont respond to that either. Act aloof, be patient and hell text back.

9) Time and space

Texting when youre in a bad mood or in the cinema is going to result in a text youll regret. Make sure that youre concentrating fully; afterall, its only a little button to send but once its delivered, theres no going back. Just a little tip from me to you.

10) Mr. Right

Weve all been there; sending a text to the wrong person. Sometimes its funny, sometimes its erm…not. Unless you want your mum to know how horny you are or your boss to know what a fool you really think she is; get the message to the right person. Its like a two second job.

Of course, a bit of finger fun (on your mobile phone) can prove to be exciting and fun; thousands of words at your finger tips…just use them wisely ladies…

People from outside the UK move to London because of the excitement, career opportunities and the chance to enjoy a broad range of entertainment options. But is it more difficult to meet potential dates in London when you are rushing around in a big city?

Cities like London attract busy people who are focused on their careers. This results in a culture built around speed. Fast moving transport, fast food – fast everything! The only time anyone has a minute to themselves is when theyre waiting for something.

People think big city equals more people, which equals more opportunity, which can equal more competition for dates. But its not about numbers its about mentality. People in big cities tend to be more reserved to new people than those from smaller cities or villages. In a village you are more or less forced to be friendly to everyone because there are so few people around – if you dont make friends with your neighbours then who will be your friend?

Studies show that we will automatically reject close to a 3rd of the possible choices in front of us by default. This applies to anything; friends, dating – even job candidates. It has been proven the best strategy to do is to reject the first 37% of candidates regardless of how nice or good they are, so you just reject the best part of a 3rd of the people you meet and then choose the next candidate that is better than all the candidates that youve seen before.

So in a small village of 10 people you would only have to reject 3 or 4 potential dates before settling for a partner but in a big city like London you would have to reject 100s or perhaps upto a 1000 potential suiters. So what we have is the paradox of choice. The task of having to choose is often experienced as suffering, not pleasure. The explosion of choice has made it more difficult for people to identify what they want and how to get it.

The sheer volume of young singles in London will give you the sense that you could meet someone at any time. Most of the time, though, you dont – unless you take the right steps – like joining new2london.com!

You may also find because there are so many online dating sites in London it means everyone is looking out for someone better. Londoners are not just competing for dates either – they are fighting each other for a shrinking pool of jobs, too. Financial stress has brought a shift in priorities for singles in London. The city is sheltering many broke singles.

Thats the beauty of dating or making friends online in London is that not only can you access new people outside of their busy working environment –you can meet dozens of new friends quickly and cost effectively. So instead of spending years finding your life partner you can achieve that goal in months – if you put the effort in of course!

There are a number of pitfalls to avoid when you first try online dating in London. Make sure you get ahead of the competition with your online dating efforts

1) Not being truthful

Heard the joke about the perfect man you have just met online? “Subtract three inches from his height, double his weight, halve his income, and add a decade to his age”

Make sure the joke isnt on you, try and do a little bit of detective work when you start messaging a new potential date online

2) Being too shy

Dont be afraid to put yourself out there. If you want to avoid bad dates in London youve got to have no fear. Be open-minded and enthusiastic about meeting new friends. Dont make assumptions about someones type by their profile – most people are terrible at analysing and describing themselves.

Chemistry is a complicated business. If you think there is at least half a chance you might like someone then start a conversation with them. See the real person behind the profile. Meet within three days from the time you first started talking, otherwise you will lose momentum and that initial spark of interest will fade. Strike while the iron is hot!

3) Bad profile photo

What is the first thing everyone sees on your profile? Your photo! Thats why you want pictures that do you justice and show off your best look. Paying for a professional photo could be the best investment you ever make. Whatever you do dont take one yourself with a camera phone!

Put as much money and effort you can into your photos because they are extremely important to your online dating success in London.

Always smile, do not wear sunglasses, ensure the photo is nicely framed – eg its not cutting off half the side of your head. Avoid posting pictures with multiple people in them. You know what people think when they see these? Either – this person is insecure about their looks (and actually his/her friends is much hotter!) or they will wrongly guess which one in the photo is you.

4) Bad Username

Your user name is the either the first or second thing potential dates will see – after your photo. Its a marketing opportunity. Get it right and you will give yourself an edge on the competition. Get it wrong and you could turn dates away. Dont bore everyone with something clichéd like “SingleGirl” or something overly sexual like “HotnSexy21”. Come up with something clever that stands out or makes people laugh.

5) Dont send generic messages

When you initiate contact for the first time with your date, write and intriguing subject then mention something in their profile so he or she knows you read it. Then share something interesting about you. Keep your initial messages short – no more than two or three paragraphs. Do not send a long-winded essay and include your contact details at the bottom!

Keep the whole message under 200 words, use proper grammar and spelling, and avoid complimenting the person on their appearance or it could look like you are just interested in sex.

Good looking people will get dozens of winks and messages. Give your date a reason to open your message first! Make it stand out among all the others or it has a high chance of getting deleted and never read.

6) Dont take too long to respond

Some experts suggest its a smart strategy not to appear too eager or desperate. If you get a message then wait, and wait… you could wait too long.

Responding promptly is not a bad idea. It will help you stand out from the other dates. Get over it with and message back. Forget the mind games. Being confident is attractive. If your date messages you back quickly – you can get a conversation going – almost like you are speaking face to face. This is the ultimate way to build rapport quickly. You could find yourself in a position to ask your new friend out on a date straight away – without waiting days or weeks. Be yourself and youll be fine!

7) Dont ask someone out straight away

Never ask someone for a date with your first message to them. You need to build rapport with them first. Create some attraction, connection and then intrigue. At that point you are ready to ask them on a date in London!

8) Dont Wink

Avoid sending winks – its just lazy and means the other person has to make all the effort to contact you

9) Dont talk about sex

If you talk about sex too soon 99 times out of a 100 it will be game over in terms of actually being able to meet that person!

10) Unrealistic age gaps

If you are 35 and you state on your profile are interested in ages 18 to 25 – then expect a low response to your messages. Most people will only want to meet people 10 years older or younger than themselves.

11) Dont talk about your Ex

94% of men claim that they have dated women who discussed their ex-boyfriends on the first date. Ex-talk is a majore turn off and it shows that the person has moved on from their last relationship. A new date wants to feel there is a clean slate with the person they have just not. Nobody wants to clean up someone elses mess and carry away their baggage.

12) Dont refer to other opinions of you

Never tell other online dates that your friends think youre cool, that you should be married, or that you are reliable, dependable or any other form of bland testimonial. Not only do these descriptions mean absolutely nothing in the online dating world. It also shows a lack of confidence on your part and potentially it will raise a red flag with your new date.

13) Dont use relationship language

The whole purpose of online dating for most is to meet someone special and start a long term relationship. But there are some steps in between now and that future. Online dating sites are not a marriage brokerage – if though some may claim to be. Very few members will expect to launch into heavy relationship talk early on. Nobody does that until they are sure they like the person. You dont want to scare someone off in your communications by using language such as “looking for the one”, “are you the man of my dreams?”, “can you complete me?”

14) Expecting too much too soon

Online dating in London takes time. Therefore, buying a one month subscription to an online dating site and expecting that to be the solution is unrealistic. Unless you are very lucky you may have to try many dating sites over a long period of time. Perhaps that period of time could run into years.